Monday, March 24, 2008

I hope your easter ham was yummy but stop trying to convince me that your kids yellow stained shorts come from eating too many peeps

I got a call from work today. They asked me to come in late. Normally asking me to show up late to work will put in a good mood, but If I am already awake and ready to work, and then you ask me to come in late, I'm not gonna be so happy. I ended up working 9 and half hours today. So I hope your Easter ham was yummy, because I forgot to buy flour tortillas on the way home, so I didn't even get to eat the left over burrito filing that I made last night.

I know you are wondering what burritos have in common with easter, but I figure most hispanics are catholic, and I think you get the rest.

Why is it that you learn all the cool stuff about people after they quit or get fired?

For instance the produce guy asked if I wanted to buy something from his department "on sale." The next day he quits. The guy finally gets around to showing me where the 99 cent stickers are and now he's gone.

It turns out that he must be some kind of crusader for jesus, because in addition to providing you with plenty of potatoes and honey dew, he is a part time exorcist.

Let me repeat that to you, for effect. My produce guy is a part time exorcist. Well, my ex produce guy was a part time exorcist. The exorcism buisness must be real good, because he is no longer a produce guy, he is now a full time exorcist.




I heard he quit because he was convinced that our bread aisle is haunted. This wouldn't be a problem for him except out bread aisle is inconveniently located next to the produce section. I guess he'd just had enough with all the bread flying off the shelf. I was told by the dairy guy that the bread doesn't just fall off the shelf. It flies off the shelf. The produce guy poured holy water over the shelves, but those demons who inhabit the bread aisle must have been too strong for his beliefs or his magic water, because it didn't work.

I think my produce guy should just let the ghosts have it with the AK-47 he bought over the phone while sitting with me on break a few weeks back. I remember spitting up my grape juice cocktail when I overheard him buying it. I just hope the guy is not aware that I am agnostic or something. I don't want to be shot. I love my back from the dead zombie jesus.* I really do.

*how is this not a movie franchise yet? zombie jesus , back from the dead, kicking ass and taking names. Killing demons and non-believers.

I have a list of people I am supposed to be writing about. I have my spirit wife #2 aka babymomma. Babymomma wants to know why I didn't write about her in my last post about my spirit wives. Naughty "m" wants to know why I haven't written about her (even though I did here.) And naught m's boyfriend wants me to write about him too. I think you bastards mistake me for your biographer. I don't think you understand something about this blog. I'm the star of this show bitches. So maybe if you want to get highlighted on this blog you can take up hobbies like exorcism, or hunting ghosts with AK-47's or something. Otherwise I can't just make this shit up for you.

Peace out.

romius t.

7 comments:

DCup said...

I swear, you crack me up like no other.

What haunts the candy aisle?

Freida Bee said...

I had the zombie Jesus idea a few weeks back too. Maybe it's Zombie Jesus's biography in movie scipt (or at least short story) form you should right, 'cause when that stuff's in the mass consciousness, as Zombie Jesus can only be, is on the verge, it's just a matter of time before someone makes a shit load off it.

I hope I do something sexier than eat my placenta over 8 years ago to make you write more biography about you. Maybe I need to write something about you first and then you will be in my debt. Yes, there is my evil plan. It shall suuucck and then ceed.

Freida Bee said...

or you could write it...

Romius T. said...

D-cup,

You are a sweetie pie! make that a pumkin pie! The ghost is haunted by a woman (who gosh I just remembered was pregnant and killed by her boyfriend, and boy I am glad I did not remember that because I would have made some kind of tasteless joke about it. But ya that is who is supposed to be haunting the store.

Frieda B.

I can't imagine anything sexier than eating your own placenta, your place in the hall of fame of awesomeness, is assured by that one act alone.

Zombie Jesus is everywhere and you should right the tv movie I think! Or we could do it together and pitch it to the oxygen channel.

I think it should take place in contemporary america and jesus should be a post modern thinking zombie! weekend at bernies meets slacker meets clerks as jesus has to get a job to support himself because no one accepts that he is a zombie and maybe thats why he goes postal.

Just an idea.

Romius T. said...

Freida,

I once asked my readers to join in on the fun and start a wiki of romius t /either that or literary criticsim

http://bathosforthemisanthropic.blogspot.com/2007/06/bathos-wiki.html

Freida Bee said...

Actually, I can not take credit for having original thoughts, as I read the Zombie Jesus idea over at Commander Other's the other day (and then enjoyed Dr. Zaius's Easter Jesus special with all my own personal Jesus's.) I even commented that I thought C.O.'s was brilliant, so sure I'll write the play, or better for me, the short story with you, 'cause I'm codependent like that and Flo Joe's about as motivated as I've been that way.

Romius T. said...

I am asure I read that post as well,,,,