Tuesday, March 18, 2008

I celebrate St. Patty's Day by confirming that alcohol makes me shit yellow

I am hoping that my shit being all yellow today has something to do with all the green beer I drank last night. Me and the FrO went out bar hopping because the only holiday we celebrate all year is a drinking holiday.

The FrO has gout which you would think would make him stop drinking. But this is one tuff motherfucka. Either that or he is really just one dumb muthafucka. He took a week off from work because gout said "sit the fuck down." The good news that came out of this is he was able to devote that time to reading every single post ever made on this site, including reading all the comments.

I think the rest of you should call of work and do the same. If you can provide me some kind of proof I will send you an autographed copy of the podcast on CD and a packet of gravy. Actually you have to choose, either the packet of gravy, or the signed CD. If you want I will even sign the gravy for you. You can choose brown gravy or country gravy. I recommend country gravy as it goes good with biscuits.

First we checked out R.T. O'Sullivans. O'Sullivans had a 10 dollar cover to get in and that is more money than I make in an hour. We bought 6 dollar Irish Killian Red beers, by that I mean I bought a Killian's red. I won't lie for my friend, he bought a bud light because he is one prissy bitch, for a guy who prefers to limp around with gout rather than take medicine or stop drinking.
I had to pee as soon as we got there and that's not just because I don't want to pay for the first round. I'll have you know I bought the first round. So I went around checking for porta potties and finally found one that wasn't locked. But it was occupied by a girl with her pants around her ankle and big wad of toilet paper around her arm who screamed at me "it's doesn't lock" or something like that. I was too flustered to make any much sense out of anything, and just ran off to quickly use the toilet inside the bar.

FrO actually talked to a girl tonight. That's a first I believe. I am sure she walked up to him. He said he talked for about 2 minutes and then ran out of things to say and so went inside to look for me. There were plenty of hotties to look at, and the new thing this Patty's Day was for girls to wear short skirts with green stockings or garter belts. I hope that tradition keeps going.

Next, we went to a bar that is owned by a famous ex basketball player in Phoenix. Dan wasn't there but I did tell the bartender that I was gay for Dan Marjele, but I don't think that makes me any gayer than any other dude as Dan Marjele is pretty cool. I also told the guy I need to get a cell phone that I can use to upskirt with, and if you want to send me one of those, I promise I will send you two packets of gravy. One brown and the other country, and then you can get your gravy on!

We left because only three people were in the bar and I wanted to make sure that my driver had no more than 1 beer at any bar we went to. We took off for the rest of the night to the FrO's favorite neighborhood bar where I kicked his ass in trivia and came in third place in the entire nation. I can't believe there really are two people out there smarter than me, but robot computers don't lie, they just plot your death.

We got picked up by the Fro's sister so no need for the Po-lice to get involved and I bought insurance today, so I am just a bus ride to the DMV away from getting my license back, and then buying a bottle of wild turkey, and then watch out you fucking homeless people I have the right-away.

1 comment:

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Mmmm, gravy and Miley in the same post! It's just like Nostradamus predicted all those years ago.