Tuesday, July 06, 2010

I'm not drunk

drinking 6% wine with a screw top.  i'm also developing a less formal style where i am just "rappin" with you.

i drank through 2 bottles of fake sangria.  Boone's and vine arbor.  both taste more like wine coolers than real wine.  since real wine sucks I guess this is a good thing.

despite my "new" less formal writing style (witness no capitalization bitches)  i just wrote a long ass speech that included dialectics, my analysis of Hegel's master/slave dichotomy, heideggerian dread, the real threat of the robotic overthrow, etc.  you know the usual shit you read on this blog, but shoved down your face through a feeding tube terri-schiavo-style.

which just means that the whole time you want to die, and i just want to collect on your insurance money, and the whole "maybe you are moving, maybe your not -it's just a random stimulus reaction" is creeping me out. 

that kind of cerebral feeding tube approach to writing led me to the cerebral approach to drinking i took tonight. (beer over wine)

the buzz with wine is mature, more mellow and relaxed than you get pounding shots of goldshlager.  also wine makes you buzz faster than beer. though lite beer has less calories.  boone's wine has 450 calories a bottle.  which i guess means i will have to give up eating.  not eating is good as i am a fat ass again as i have put on 15 pounds that i lost when i gave up drinking soda a few months past.

started drinking soda again and like wam bam man the pounds just waddled back onto my side fat.

in the only good news "style wize" peeps are digging my "kicks."  i get a hell of a lot of unsolicited compliments on my fake chuck taylors.  you can get yours at 10 bucks a pop at walmart just tell'em romius t sent you and i make like a 5 cents for each one i sell.

that's not true of course, but wouldn't it be funny if hundreds of you peeps bought like mad amounts of fake chucks and wrote to the company and said i sent them and then walmart got all pissy and pussy about me sellin' they shit on my site since i make like 16 rape jokes a day on this site.

p.s. if you are not watchin the louie tv show over at fx networks you are like missing out on like the funniest show ever and shit.  truly fucking epic shit.  makin fun of homeless people, queers, aids.

louie tells you that you are less moral than you think just like i do only he usually just talks about himself and never goes after the audience as much as i do because he's all about money.

just the other day the fucker walks through my line at work and i was like

"holy shit LOUIE CK"

LOUIE CK says "o, man thanks."

I look aver at the band of misfits that clog up my line behind him

"folks, this guy is a millionaire, you should mug him on his way out."

he laughs a little but looks behind him a little nervous like because after all he is kind of bitch.

then i go,

"i got a bone to pick with u man.  i've been writing the same shit you do for the last 7 years on my blog, and i'm not a millionaire like you."

CK "well, you know... with all due respect...you probably aren't writing as good as shit as i do."

I throw ck his bitch ass change.

"I hope somebody rapes you on the way out."  I yell at him.

He laughs a little again and says, "i kinda thought that one was funny."

I shoot him back a deadly serious look.

"you would, you little faggot."

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