I was offered another job today at work.

Wouldn't it be great? If only she were serious. She tells me
"You should be in sales, you have such a calming sense about you."

Calm and laid back is not what most people think of in a sales rep.

"Let's talk sometime." she purrs.

Ok.

This same gal is intent on suing the process server that dropped off her divorce paperwork. For god's sake she hired a private investigator to dig up dirt on the poor girl.

Did I mention though that she is quite exsquite? Dark hair, fair complexion, VERY put together. I have a weakness for snobby, stuck up women who would normally never give me the chance.

Best threatening message to a patron:
I think I would feel threatened if someone promised to " spread my face across the Earth! I must have completed 20 restraining orders today.

People really hate paying child support.

I can't say how many times I have overheard people complain about the State's efforts to force them to pay for the support of their children.

Nothing makes a father happier than when a child turns 18. Happy birthday, Timmy! Now get a job!! The manic joy, the effervescent glee is out right sickening. Why the hell are half of these people having kids?

Patron:
"I have a kid who turned 18 , how do I kick him out my house? You know it's bad enough you can't do anything about this when they are under 18."

It's no wonder this kid won't work or go to school. Talk about your parental love. Is it safe to assume men have no instinct to nurture their children?

Some lessons white trash women need to learn. Throwing a roll of quarters at someone is never justified.

Patron: " My husband has been on a crack binge for three days and is looking for guns so he can shoot me, my kids, and then himself, so we can all be in heaven together. Do you think I need a restraining order?"

Me: Uh ..I hope that's a rhetorical question.

Patron: "Are you starting shit with me?"

Good times! (or the Further Adventures of Battered Women )


A patron writes: " and then he threw a roll of quarters at me in the car and at home, in both cases (she writes) unwarrented."

Perhaps what we need is a list of times it is warranted to throw a roll of quarters at someone:

1. Your bitch starts something with you in the car.
2. Your bitch starts something in the house.
3. Your bitch starts something outside of the house, but on the way to the car.

The Manchurian Candidate

This should be this sites new motto (thanks wonkette):

I might be at work, but the misery that I would endure if this was to happen is to great to fathom. I am cotton mouthed and nauseous simply thinking about it.

Overheard: A customer telling her daughter how to fill out a form " start with how we was holding the baby while he had a loaded gun in his backpack. Then go to the rest of the stuff he did!"

Speaking of violence in my workplace, Here is a list just for today

1. Number of children brainwashed by the estranged parent...2
2. number of cross-eyed babies .....3
3. number of alleged death threats by estranged spouses.....4

It may not pay to have an estranged anything.

Somebody has a case of the Monday's

Who says a library can't be fun. Check out this catalog of porn about librarians!http://www.riverofdata.com/librariana/porn/index.htm

Ahh. The confused patron:

Idiot: " Does this copier give change"

Me: Yes, Press the button labeled coin return.

Idiot: " But, it don't do nothing." Can a machine DO a negative?

Me: You are making 9 copies at 10 cents a page, but only placed 50 cents in the machine.

Idiot: So it's just waiting for me to put money in it?

Yes, it waits with eternal patience. Unlike me.

Porn store Clerk BLOG

I have been promising that I would post this as soon as I found it again. Much funnier than this little blog as mucho cool stuff happens in a porn shop.

http://www.improvisation.ws/mb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=4475

I mean all I had today centered around the copy machine was the 4 cycles of Domestic Abuse.

1. Asshole gets pissed at girl
2. girl runs off
3. asshole says he's sorry - it's not his fault she can't use a copier
4. make out session between photocopies

By the way the happy couple is still getting a divorce.

Why I hate Copy Machines: or FAQ

Q. Does this copier take only dimes?

A. I believe you have the copier mistaken for a gumball machine. Don't most machines take all coins?

Q. I only have a quarter will the machine give me change?

A. See the above answer. And Christ are you that worried about change from a quarter. When did you grow up, ... the Great Depression?

Trying not to work

Since I don't actually try to work very much, I have considered creating yet another new blog. Oh, I know what your thinking , " but I don't read the 2 you have right now!"
Despite such negativity , and due to the inordinate amount of time I spend surfing , I will soon create a personal blog. I think I will mostly link to fun and cool stuff that the reader may not know about. I mean really , how many of you knew about www.wonkette.com ?
Here's the link http://romtex.blogspot.com
Here's my first new catch phrase:

I invented that! (TM)

Away from work , but this is good

READ THIS:

http://books.guardian.co.uk/extracts/story/0,6761,1277111,00.html

I don't have time to read

Me: Sir, you have to read the packets.

"I don't have time to read"

Good thing your in a library then, buddy. I think you have made the right choice about not reading. It's not like your were gonna understand anything. Just buy all the packets that could possibly pertain to you.

Ok, I'll try be nicer, if you try being smarter!

Daily counts:

• 2 cross-eye's
• 7 babes
• 1 underage teen seeking child support

What's the deal with cross-eyed people?

First, let me tell you , there is something strange about cross-eyed people. I am as liberal as they get , so I feel bad about spreading a stereotype. But honestly folks , they are kinda creepy, also a bit crazy.

Point in case, they ask for large quantities of rubberbands. They return repetitively, acting as if their very lives depend on obtaining rubberbands.

Family members scream for their attention, " for god's sake I'm trying to get rubberbands. Let me concentrate on one thing at time."

I mean for GOD'S sake people, leave her alone. Can't they see she's doing something important? For the love of god, she needs rubberbands. Don't worry, I have plenty of rubberbands just for you!

I don't like to pick on people with physical deformities, but the court seems to get more than it's fair share of visitors from the evolutionary scrap pile. I'll just mention in passing that the guy's arm looked like it went through a blender from wrist to his elbow.

I am sitting behind a desk.
I am working on a computer.
I am wearing a name tag- court ID.
I am handing out forms or money.

What makes this person ask "do you work here?"

Monday Continued

I never did get around to posting for Monday afternoon. I nearly had to come to blows with a guy who wanted a refund for 90 cents from a copy card purchase. "well there's no sign that says I can't get a refund" --Thanks asswipe. Once you buy the card it's yours to keep. Why the hell would you buy a card if you only needed one copy? Why would you argue for 11 minutes for 90 cents?

Biatch alert-- BF thinks 90 cents is worth arguing about.

Later that day, a wonderful encounter with a scab picking pyscho. Scab Picker insisted that he needed to get his guns back. You see, he was arrested for Domestic Violence and that damn bitch of a girlfriend of his had the nerve to ask the judge to take his gun away. " just cuz he had one." This was very unfortunate, as it led him in maniacal fashion to pick continuously at his open wounds.

DAILY COUNTS:

• babe count at zero
• Five " are you a notary?" inquiries
• one cross-eyed freak

Monday Blues

Well it's Monday. My mood? I am annoyed and angry. Why? Somebody had the nerve to try and make me feel guilty regarding my customer service skills. He could not not figure out how to get to a location here in the court by the directions I was giving him. He kept insisting he had never been here before; therefore , I suppose he is no longer familiar with concepts like north and south. Pointing and gesticulating were of no help either. " oh, but sir...I am not sure where North is." So my hand pointing you in that direction was not enuff huh? It amazes me that Creationists can insist we do not come from monkeys, when there exists so much evidence to the contrary.

Have I mentioned that it's 11:35 (am) and not one single BAbe Count has been registered. Disaster of a DAY. More later perhaps.