Greasy, stinky, drinking Pabst Blue Ribbons

I know that's how you guys like to imagine me.  Drinking and stinky.  Sweating profusely.  Drunk as hell the day after Valentine's Day, crying in my PBR's at some local dive bar telling the bartender how I can't get laid and have not had a girl friend in 5 years.

Well it ain't nothing like that.

Maybe I spent 45 minutes in the shower after I got home from work.  I had to.  I spent the whole day giving out balloons and candy to the happy couples.  So I spent 45 minutes in the shower letting the water pummel me.

I did not do that either.  I just sat on my bed and watched Big Love.  Episodes 5 and 6 from the new season.  I watched TV on the computer because the remote control to my TV is not working.  I don't know why my remote is not working.  I just put 2 fresh batteries in the remote.

I felt all cracked out yesterday at work.  I guess the whole idea of me doing enough drugs to ruin  my life is over.  I don't how you drug addicts do it.

I feel like getting addicted is a choice.  I know that is not true for most of you, but for me it is.  I can feel the addictive powers of drugs, but I can stop myself.

I guess I feel the side effects and it scares me off.  My sense of self is too important for me to watch it drift off in the mist.  I guess I don't hate myself enough.

I was toe tapping all day at work.  I felt my heart jump around.  I had  this tense teeth grinding, bleary eyes take on the world.  I think the coke we bought had to have been cut with Meth.

Actually I am sure all coke is cut with meth.

I am so not addicted to coke that a line sits on a paper plate hidden in my dresser drawer.  I did not finish it off last night.  I did not use it as a perk for getting up early and going to work this morning. I did not snort it up as soon as I got home.  I did not think about doing the line while I stood around at work today.

I am not even thinking about doing it right now.  And it's not like I got the coke shits or anything.  I did not even get much nasal drip this time.

I am sure I am getting my friend Special K addicted though.  She is texting me constantly. When we gonna get some?  She asks.  When we gonna do it?

I don't know man.  I need something purer I think.  I need something more euphoric, because this cut Meth shit is just making me anxious or making me energetic like I am on diet pills.  Just fuzzy stomach stuff and no real out of body experience.

I forgot I was gonna write while high on Detroit. (Detroit is code for coke dipshits.)

Came up with a wild riff last night that got all the party goers saying we need to record me on drugs and work it out so that I can go and do stand up.

I just laughed that shit off as those mother fuckers is drunk, and hopped up coke heads who think anyone who can still think straight (maintain) for 3 seconds has some grasp of the English language that needs to heard.

I will stick to Pepsi Throwback and caffeine and staying up till 5 am without Detroit (at least for a week or so) and see how that goes and when it goes like crap (like it always does) then I will change my mind and move on to E or something more hard core like smoking crack or heroin.