Monday, August 10, 2009

Talking about piss breaks is not what you call good blog material

I did nothing today except go to work. Work was regular except I did not tell myself "that I hate my life" all the time I rang up groceries. Which I guess is good.

Instead I actually heard myself be cheerful to all my customers.

Whenever I sound cheerful my voice goes up an octave to the point where I don't quite sound masculine.

Not that I really need to bother sounding masculine these days, since I have not been laid in years. I guess I should just give up on LOVE. I am so old that all that puppy dog stuff sounds implausible to me anyway.

I drink caffeine late at night. It is TWO in the morning and I am drinking my third coke (I have no woman to tell me to not to.) Because I drink coke so late at night my sleeping habits are out of whack. I stay awake every night until 6 0r 7 am. How is that normal? I don't know, but it has become normal for me.

When I drink caffeine late I wake up early because I have to take a piss.

(About 10 am)

I piss. I check the A/C to see if it is still running. I go back to sleep. I wake up at noon. I take another piss. I check the A/C again.

This piss catalog does not include the piss I took before going to sleep, or this piss I will take an hour in to trying to go to sleep. This piss catalog is just a catalog of my pisses after I lose some form of consciousness.

12:30 pm

I check the time on my phone because I am too sleepy to subtract the 15 minutes from the real time that I set my alarm clock ahead. Because I set my alarm ahead I don't trust whatever time my alarm clock says to me unless I have been up at least 3 hours. I check various e-mail accounts on phone because turning on the computer would cause me to get out of bed. All the e-mail is spam. Spam from the blog. Spam from all my personal ads on Craigslist. Not even the "LA Fitness Killer 'Type' Seeks Much Younger Female" gets a real response.

The lack of response from the Female seeking Male public has deflated my obsession with George.

1:00 pm

I use whatever mental faculties I posses to calculate latest time I could get out of bed and still make the Orbit "it's free- so that's why all the Mexican mother's with giant fat babies ride it" bus.

A further note on the woman/girl/baby momma riding the Orbit with me- She had the most masculine looking feet …EVER!

2:14 pm

I am startled out of a dream that instantly fades from memory. I jump out of bed, smartly jamming my ingrown toenail into the yellow stained folding chair that operates as my "writing" chair. I curse Yahweh.

2:54 post-morning

Orbit Bus. The A/C works. I sit to the back. I like sitting on the "wheel."


I arrive safely at the TEMPE Bus Station.


I run to catch Route 66 bus. The bus's signage tells me it is running North, but the driver reassures me, "it will take me south."


Bus travails 2 mile trip to work in just under 16 minutes.


Purchase cheese and cracker snacks for 88 cents.


Consume said cheese and cracker snacks.

Read book. Get interrupted by fellow workers' comments on book.

The book is God's Problem: How the Bible Fails to Answer Our Most Important Question--Why We Suffer.

You should read the book.


Stephanie said...

YOU should read "Fierce Invalids Home Form Hot Climates" by Tom Robbins. I think you would like Switters.

Stephaginwhoisanalaboutspelling said...


Romius T. said...

word i will look it up yo

Alecia said...

The Orbit bus provides such good people watching. Holy shit.