Tuesday, August 11, 2009

I’m slowly letting all my dreams die…

In retrospect is the kind of thing you expect to hear from a writer who has learned something. It's also the kind of thing you will never hear at this blog. 

After reading this post I hope the knowledge that I never learn anything will at least provide some comfort to you.

I am usually not one for providing comfort.   Normally, I am the kind of guy who would drag little Sarah Palin's mongrel child up to one of President Obama's "death panels" and force abort that chromosome damaged piggy face before you could say, "that's a little fucked up dude."

This is a straight up Eugenics thing.

In case you were inclined to like me before you read that last statement I want you to know that I am not just another liberal atheist "hating on" your favorite conservative super mommy.

You see, if I were in the same situation that Sarah Palin faced, I would force abort my very own child.

Now if you just got the feeling that "forced abortion" does not always mean "talking a girl into getting an abortion for you*," and it was really just code for… I don't know… hiring a brown man to punch a girl in the stomach, throw her down stairs, and then get busy with some wire coat hanger action in the vagina area… then YOU my friend are a racist.

*Bet you were fine with that method though, weren't you killer?
You should know better.

If my ex tried to give birth to some retard, or handicapped kid I would "man up" and take care of things myself. I wouldn't pull no punches (no pun intended).

Unlike you I would not hire some midget with a baseball bat to club my wife to death because, "I was too prissy to get my hands dirty." And then faux cry to the press about the "sad death of my sweet wife and my precious child" just because pretty white women fall in love with death sentence prisoners.

I would just kill the soon-to-be-lactating wife myself. Then after I killed her and cut her body into pieces I would take a ride out to sea on the boat my pop left me in his will.

After I dumped her body in the ocean I would light the boat on fire. Then as I watched the fire consume the body of my retarded infant child (along with the meticulously restored wood tile floor) I would shoot myself in the face for giving rise to a seed that could produce a mongoloid.

Because I GOT my self respect.

I decided to get drunk after writing that even though my liver just started feeling better, and even though I know that my roommate's 6 beers won't get me drunk enough to excuse me blowing 20 dollars at the porno "hack" shack, but I need something to get my mind off this post.

Like I said I am just not the kind of person who learns from things.

But I am the kind of person who thinks of himself as "clean" even though he leaves the roll of toilet paper off the holder and casually tossed by the tub. 

I like to tell myself that "at least I noticed the scrunched wad of tissue lying next to the toilet" even when I do not pick it up. On my good days I promise myself I will clean the toilet more than once a month.

It's just I have been so busy with work.

Funny thing about this post is I left out a joke that I thought "insensitive" because it involved me suggesting that 7-up causes "cancer of the leg" which is not really funny unless you know that I was helping a "one legged" customer purchase a bottle of 7-up.


midwest woman said...

got to say you lost me there...I'm ahopin' and aprayin' you were writing something in response to something actually happened.

Romius T. said...


I have been reading what the "right" has said about healthcare from Obama. I decided to go way over the top to out hyperbole them in response. Wanted to do so without being precise about my political thinking on the subject. Maybe this did not work...but hopefully one can sense my outrage over the "craziness" that thinking a public option will cause the govt to euthanize elders and baby Palin. As she herself suggested. making that lil mongrel child of hers fair game.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

ROMIUS: Set 'em up, Joe!

You know your joint is always my last-chance saloon. When I can't take it anymore, I come to your bar to drink my troubles away. I don't enjoy South American blogs because whatever their political orientation, they all agree that Americans are stupid, weak and pathetic and participating in that is just too easy.

I know you like my personal stories better than my political ones so I'm going to give you the personal which is -- I'm sorry -- also political. I don't know how often you drop by THE DAILY PITCHFORK, but a I did post a version of this there already.

Nevertheless, I want you watch this YOUTUBE created by Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore in support of your boy Obama soon after his inauguration:


OK. In case you're wondering what my REAL PLEDGE was, it was this: I PLEDGED to relieve Ashton Kutcher of all his chips in a 10-25 NLHE game at Caesar's. I was able to accomplish this despite being nauseated by his patchouli oil cologne. I kept every dime: no "hybrid," no donation to any political party. The money went right into the coffee-bag "bar-mitzvah wallet," baby!

I loathe celebrities. I loathe Obama. I loathe Sarah Palin and her birthers. They are all SHIT. None of them care about peace. None of them even care about sex or fun. A bunch of fucking schoolmarms is what they are. Palin and the Birthers are White Nazis. Barack Obama is like a pain-in-the-ass MOTHER-IN-LAW whose also a Corporatist Warmonger and a fucking COWARD.

The Barack Obama "movement" is not for MEN, Romius. It's for weak, scared, suburban White women and Whole Foods Liberal "new men." These aren't the folks who like to get fucked-up, play poker and do some ass-fucking. These are jokes.

Barack Obama is not going to solve your health-care issues or your economic woes because he doesn't give a shit about you. Neither do the Republicans. There is no LESSER of two evils. They're both evil and weak.

Maybe those Latino blogs aren't so bad after all. Te parece, si o no?

fairlane said...

You godless liberals will burn in something really hot, and oily.

In the meantime, keep your filthy hands off my granny.

She's mine, all mine...

Romius T. said...

Dear Kelso,

Of course I still stop by the Brimstone and read. I use google reader most days to keep up with the paper reader requires clicking through several links in order to comment I have posted fewer comments because of that.

Further more, I have noticed a problem with your webpage. Over the years it has grown more difficult to load properly. This factor more than any other has caused my viewership to decline. I used to check your blog several times a day. Now I am down to once a week or so becuase it takes 5 or 10 minutes to load. Sometimes more. I don't experience this kind of problem on any other site. Maybe you could have on of your designers take a look at reducing some of the clutter (or whatever is going on--you know I know nothing of this kind of stuff.)

Otherwise the reporting is always fantastic (even when I disagree.)

In regards to your points on OBAMACARE.

I am not "down" with obama. Other than he is the president. I support those programs he offers that I agree with.

I for one never bought into the messiah thing he has going on.

I never for a second believed he was a left wing liberal. He is a moderate and sometimes even conservative Liberal (by American standards.)

Obama will not solve the heath care crisis in the USA.

But to say he is the same as Bush is not being fair.

Those on the Right would dismantle welfare, social security, etc etc.

Obams has been weak on pushing reform. He has to be because we are a backwards country when it comes to progressive causes.

He may also not be genuinely progressive. That is unimportant for our purposes. We need folks like Obama to keep people like Ken Lay and GW Bush from making things worse.

Obama does not radically alter American abuses like our foreign poilicy. He can't and wont. americans see American interests everywhere. So we get involved in every place we can. Most of the time we now try and avoid blowing shit up. But there is 30% or more of the country that wants to blow the fuck out of all of you brown folk on the outside.

He is a BUFFER compared to those people. Who are actually BUFFERS compared to the scary fucking elements that exist in this country in numbers that are truly terrifying.

You can sit back in your comfortable island vacation spots, but millions of Americans with out health care can benefit from some change/reform. So many of my fellow country men just want a chance to see a doctor.

The fact that Obama talks about them and even says he wants a public option is HUGE.

You don't get that because you don't live here without health care. Imagine living on 10 bucks an hour with no benefits and all the politicians that you ever see on tv ..all they do is blame you for your shitty life choices and never even PROMISE you anything.

Fuck the man promised me something. That is HUGE Kelso. No one since Clinton has even suggested that I deserve it.

No US president will ever treat citizens of the 3rd world (you are all 3rd worlders acccording to the status quo in the USA) fairly. Stop expecting it. ROme burns down cities. ROME crushes. ROme and babaylon are the carries of strife and doom. Agents of SATAN (when looked at from your perpective)

Alecia said...

"These aren't the folks who like to get fucked-up, play poker and do some ass-fucking."

That sounds like a great time! Where do these folks hang out?

And awesome post, I gasped audibly and then cheered.

Romius T. said...

Exactly the reaction I was hoping for!

KELSO'S NUTS said...

As I said, NOT a president for MEN.

Definitely a president for heartless cowards.

Alan Garcia, the President of Peru, who is probably the most murderous bastard head of any self-governing state, put into place an extremely generous single-payer health care program and as mean a bastard as he is, he's a piker compared to the death and maiming that Obama has accomplished in his glorious 7+ months in office.

The whole thing is a big fraud. Obama is a joke. And I now know exactly why Latinos hold Americans in such contempt.

As for trying to live on however little it is, TELL IT TO THE MARINES. Or to Obama. Or to Rahm Emanuel. Or Robert Gates. Because I surely, surely, surely don't care. When does my girlfriend get her father back? The prosecutor in Manizales who was blown to smithereens by Obama's AUDs? That I care about. Your concerns? Eh, not so much, buddy. Not so much.

Or maybe try getting a job or JOINING OBAMA'S MILITARY.

All bullshit. Que te jodas.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

I love my vacation spots. It's merely cunts like you I loathe.

Romius T. said...

wow. wait, so now you loathe me?
where;d that come from?