After reading this post I hope the knowledge that I never learn anything will at least provide some comfort to you.
I am usually not one for providing comfort. Normally, I am the kind of guy who would drag little Sarah Palin's mongrel child up to one of President Obama's "death panels" and force abort that chromosome damaged piggy face before you could say, "that's a little fucked up dude."
In case you were inclined to like me before you read that last statement I want you to know that I am not just another liberal atheist "hating on" your favorite conservative super mommy.
You see, if I were in the same situation that Sarah Palin faced, I would force abort my very own child.
Now if you just got the feeling that "forced abortion" does not always mean "talking a girl into getting an abortion for you*," and it was really just code for… I don't know… hiring a brown man to punch a girl in the stomach, throw her down stairs, and then get busy with some wire coat hanger action in the vagina area… then YOU my friend are a racist.
*Bet you were fine with that method though, weren't you killer?
You should know better.
If my ex tried to give birth to some retard, or handicapped kid I would "man up" and take care of things myself. I wouldn't pull no punches (no pun intended).
Unlike you I would not hire some midget with a baseball bat to club my wife to death because, "I was too prissy to get my hands dirty." And then faux cry to the press about the "sad death of my sweet wife and my precious child" just because pretty white women fall in love with death sentence prisoners.
I would just kill the soon-to-be-lactating wife myself. Then after I killed her and cut her body into pieces I would take a ride out to sea on the boat my pop left me in his will.
After I dumped her body in the ocean I would light the boat on fire. Then as I watched the fire consume the body of my retarded infant child (along with the meticulously restored wood tile floor) I would shoot myself in the face for giving rise to a seed that could produce a mongoloid.
Because I GOT my self respect.
I decided to get drunk after writing that even though my liver just started feeling better, and even though I know that my roommate's 6 beers won't get me drunk enough to excuse me blowing 20 dollars at the porno "hack" shack, but I need something to get my mind off this post.
Like I said I am just not the kind of person who learns from things.
But I am the kind of person who thinks of himself as "clean" even though he leaves the roll of toilet paper off the holder and casually tossed by the tub.
I like to tell myself that "at least I noticed the scrunched wad of tissue lying next to the toilet" even when I do not pick it up. On my good days I promise myself I will clean the toilet more than once a month.
It's just I have been so busy with work.
Funny thing about this post is I left out a joke that I thought "insensitive" because it involved me suggesting that 7-up causes "cancer of the leg" which is not really funny unless you know that I was helping a "one legged" customer purchase a bottle of 7-up.