Monday, July 20, 2009

My Ex-Boss is PSYCHIC!

July 30th is the fifth birthday of this blog.

You might think I would be excited about that. But I am not. Somehow celebrating the five year anniversary of a blog that has attracted 12 readers only makes me want to cry. You can't celebrate 12 readers. Just like you can't celebrate how the writing on this blog has gone from awful to almost better.

Maybe the boss that fired me all those years ago was right.*

*The following conversation is not verbatim.


This blog will never amount to anything.
Neither will you.

My boss never really said that. My boss never got the chance to tell me how he felt. He requested a meeting with me after he discovered my blog. I never went to that meeting, and my failure to do so was cited as "one" of the many reasons he had to fire me.

Dear [ identity redacted ]
I predict in 5 years that you will be making the exact same salary you are making now. Further more I predict that your blog traffic will grow 400%. From 3 to 12 people a week.

My former boss sounds like a prick.

But he was right. It took 5 years for me to get back to earning 10 dollars an hour. And if you look carefully over at the sidebar you will notice that my Google following is 12. Exactly.

I used to have 13 followers. And I felt like 13 readers was some kind of good luck number. Like the devil was winking at me. Letting me know that he was down with me. That he cared. And that eternal justice would one day rain down on the rest of you.

But now that I am down to 12 readers I feel like I have been abandoned. Not by my dwindling readership, but by SATAN himself.

If I can't get SATAN interested in my soul then who will have me?

I need to drink until my liver bursts like a blueberry in a 425 degree oven. Berries hissing and popping, bursting black blueberry bile all over me, until I am stained, my insides half cooked like I failed to read directions, stuffed too many blueberries in the batter like some kind of...

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

I read you all the time! I think you're a very good writer,don't get discouraged.

Romius T. said...

DEAR ANON

Thanks for your encouragement. Romius t is the one who gets frustrated with not being famous or a good writer. The guy who writes romius is not quite as frustrated and has no plans to give up the blog. Though he too wishes the pace at which he learns this skill could increase.

belovedparrot said...

So why did you get fired for having a blog? Were you publising company secrets? Naming names? What?

Romius T. said...

BP

If you check out "the self help center- work blog" tag over at the side bar you can read the story. But basically I was working in a court house and making fun of the customers that came through and complaining about my job (big surprise) my boss checked my email after i sent a link to my blog to a coworker. he was not too happy.

Beloved Parrot said...

Then WHY are you working in a grocery store??? With your experience you could probably get a job at a law firm or something like that.

Or you could go back to school.

It's been, what, 2 years? I imagine you've "learned your lesson" by now. Time to quit punishing yourself.

Or maybe you like working in the grocery store, in which case I'll shut up.

Romius T. said...

BP

I don't enjoy working at the grocery store. Not sure that I would like working in a law office. The only jobs I see that I would be qualified for pay the same as the grocery store and come with few benefits.

I should go back to school...I need to save money to do that...and that is not happening right now...(i sorta screwed up my student loans so it will be tough for me to get new ones.)

Beloved Parrot said...

Depending on what you were doing at the courthouse, you're probably more qualified than you think. ;-)