Tuesday, June 30, 2009

I live in squalor

My house has been invaded by those bugs that live inside rotting food. I am not sure what kind of bugs they are. They look like fruit flies. They live inside bags of discarded Jack in the Box.

My last roommate found a bag in his room under a pile of dirty clothes. We had the flies in the house for 3 weeks before I convinced him to take a look around.

The decomposing meat allowed generation after generation of these things to be born.

I remember my friend tried to pass it off as science experiment. And then he offered me 20 dollars to collect the bag and toss it outside.

I told him there was not enough money in the world for me to go into his room and pick the sack up. It was loaded with larvae and rotten food. Buzzing insects.

He gagged several times on the way to throw the bag out.

I gagged just writing that sentence.

Let's hope we find the source of these flies.

My roommate thinks it must be my infected toe nail. The smell of which is much reduced now that I have started to pour Listerine mouth wash into the open wound. So I have a feeling it can't be the gangrene.

My roommate must have some dead body in his room.

The only thing that pisses me off about that is the flies and the fact that he never offered me sex with her when the body was still fresh.

Greedy bastard.


We found the source of the problem.

The roommate suggested that I use his wetvac to vacuum the rugs. He opened the WetVac and BAMMMM!!!!!
A swarm of a million fruit flies.
Then he screamed like a bitch.
Then he dropped the vac down and the lid spit open.
This released more flies.
I had to run over and grab the vacuum.
I ran it outside.
Roommate yells at me not to throw it away, "just dump the contents."
I tell roommate to fuck off.
Roommate examines contents of vacuum.
Roommate decides "throw the damn thing out!"
Still killing flies.
Roommate owes me 44 cents for throwing out my box of corn bread.
Roommate admits to using vacuum to suck up water and food.
I plan to make him pay for this.
Some how.


Leila said...

I found your blog because at nearly 3:30 AM here on the East Coast, I typed in "I live in squalor" in Google, and you popped up. I was up cleaning....landlord's maintenance coming tomorrow. I figure the scent of cleansers, polishes, and such may make them ignore the few thousand books in the living room that are mostly not on shelves. I am also trying to traumatize the bugs.

Romius T. said...

Lelia, so glad you found my blog at 3 am , The perfect time for reading my blog. Funny what this blog ranks on google sometimes.