Thursday, June 18, 2009

I See Pancake Nipple I Might Want to Rape

I have nothing to talk about other than the slam I am expecting to get from the blog review site that a reader of mine suggested I try out.

The blog review site has not written back to tell me if they are going to review my site. I think they do this on purpose just to get the writers nervous.

They say you are supposed to write better when you are nervous or inspired. I don't think being nervous is going to help me, and since I never get inspired don't count on my impeding doom to help the writing on this blog.

Instead let's pretend that I am not as nervous as a pre-operational transsexual teen right before the doctor cuts off the his penis.

I know what I am talking about because there just happens to be one who stops by the grocery store every couple of weeks with his mom.

I was running the self check out line when I noticed her. She/He was wearing a t-shirt like the one Miley Cyrus made famous a while back. The kind of shirt that shows side boob.

Imagine a 16 year old boy/girl in this shirt, but the shirt has no back. Of course I went looking for a nipple shot. And yes I got one. Only I wished I hadn't. The nipple was totally pancaked.

He was resting his hand on the weigh station scale and setting off the alarm on my hand held register control. That's when I walked over to his mom and yelled at her to get her daughter to let go of the scale.

He/She was wearing a pair of those ridiculous skinny jean pants. He had long hair that was tied back in a fancy ponytail. The kind of ponytail that would be hot on a girl.

No one from the family minded when I called him "her" so I guess the whole family is down with the sex change.

Which is good as otherwise a guy like him might be sleeping on a friends couch and it can be very dangerous to sleep on someone's couch these days.

I have a friend who is sick of her roommate. The roommate quit her job as a stripper and now she just sits at home on the couch eating, because she no longer has to worry about staying skinny. I told my friend that I wanted to have sex with Holly the ex-Stripper Roommate before she gets fat. Because fucking a hot ex stripper is cool, but fucking a fat, near homeless, unemployed, couch girl is not.

She replied by text:

I know could always rape her.

I told my friend that her suggestion made me horny. I texted her:

You don't need permission to rape a sex worker!

She texted back:

Haha i also know that, I guess ur gonna have to rape her...she sleeps on the couch it should be easy.

I agreed it should be an easy rape, but I fear couch girl is a light sleeper.


Beloved Parrot said...

Don't sweat the review, okay. Someone told me once that 10 percent of the people you meet will dislike you no matter what, just because.

And you might get some good impartial feedback from them!

Fredrick Schwartz said...

Papa Bukowski would be proud. On to more serious things . . .

Hey motherfucker there's a little preggo porn on the site this morning. It's Russian shit but the chick's not bad looking and she's late second trimester so fuckin enjoy. Don't pull any hamstrings or anything.

Pax Terra!

Fredrick Schwartz said...

I forgot two things.

1) Holy fuck Miley Cyrus needs to get 18 really fast so I can stop committing "thought crimes."


2) What you mean this kids nipple was flat? What size boobs do you put on a 16 yeat old pre op transsexual? Is this conversation cool or what?

Fredrick Schwartz said...

yeah I'm drunk and my girl's trying to blow me but you're still the coolest muthafucker in this tubes of the Internet. Ask that bitch in ALaska she'll tell ya you betcha!

Romius T. said...

Beloved parrot and Fredddy

I am not worried about the review at all. Mostly they seem like cool cats over there and give honest criticism that helps. I already have begun to listen to a bit of the stuff they have said about other bloggers.


So awesome that you are drunk. I would trade being cool in real life for being cool on the internets.

The preop did not really have any boobs per se so that is why I called it pancake.

Whenever miley turns 18 she wont be as interesting for me. but I am glad you will stop feeling guilty.