Saturday, June 27, 2009

The Self Help Guide to overcoming infidelity.

Step #1 in The Self Help Guide to understanding and overcoming hypothetical adultery.

First you must accept this:


How do women put up with men? Women know what they expect out of life. Men don't realize anything about life until we reach 50, and our dicks no longer work.

But that’s because the dick is a magical creature. It talks us into any number of things. Men with dicks are not totally human, but then again women don’t fall for humans, they fall for MEN.

A man and his dick can do great things.

Very few men actually want to get married. And no penis ever does. But more often than naught the penis is trapped by a female before the penis can live out its dreams. If the female trap works the wonderful life the penis envisioned for its owner is doomed.*

*The penis not the vagina is the source of all creativity.

I mention this because super sexy Ubermilf Dark would like to blame her spouse’s “penis” for hypothetical infractions of the marital code.

She writes:

“Why, if your marriage is already weathering the stresses and strains of constant travel, would someone choose to invite an old flame out to dinner while in this old flame's current city? Away from his loyal spouse? Huh? Hypothetically, why would someone do that?”

But I say hold on.

Don’t blame the penis.

The penis and I hardly ever talk. The penis has its own agenda. I can’t trust the penis either. But that is not to say that the real man underneath the penis does not value you UberMilf, it is just means that the penis is hostage to young, hot pussy:

"So, hypothetically, this spouse might be pretty fucking pissed off and miserable and full of self-doubts and feeling like an idiot for ever giving up a career and stretching out her body having children and giving up the best years of her life because she stupidly trusted you. Hypothetically."

"Because, hypothetically, this high school flame is some unattached Hollywood producer with long blond hair and a non-stretched out body."

In a sense your violated "trust" is evolutionary pay back for being young and beautiful and able to control the penis. Don’t get mad now that the penis' compass is hypothetically directed elsewhere.

There was a time when you could control the penis and wield its wonderful power. Be thankful. That is more than I will ever know and must be the reason for my use of a masturbatory fantasy life where I become “Sarah Beth” and get ass raped by pimps. But I digress.

The moral of the story is that wielding a powerful instrument like the penis is addictive and just like your husband you are caught in its trap.

Your husband is addicted to the penis because he loves the idea of slamming strange pussy. You too are addicted to the power of the penis, because you love to control the MAN behind the penis.

You are each addicted to penis power.

Stop worrying about hypothetical adultery. Allow the penis to do what it wants as long as it is hypothetical.*

*It is possible for the man to fool his penis. A rich fantasy life can fool the penis. Sometimes for 30 years. Just long enough for the erect penis to deflate and the destructive/creative properties of testosterone to extinguish.

If we do not fool the penis MEN cannot stay married. The penis wants nothing to do with marriage, kids, car pooling, and recycle trash days.

What I am saying is that the man you are married to is engaging in a bit of diversionary fantasy for his penis, and this is good news for you. You are still married to a MAN. And not just a penis.


Lisa said...

Okay - you explain part of it. Is is really just about strange pussy? It doesn't have to be younger, hotter or not so stretched out, right? Just different.

Romius T. said...

pretty much.

We just get distracted every time a half way decent looking woman walks by.

and since any one with a vagina can be decent looking we get distracted a lot.

we just are incapable of resisting the urge sometimes

Certainly incapable of resisting the urge to look and to fantasize

since men dont value family as much as woman we think it might be worth the risk.

midwest woman said...

Well maybe the fact that it's an external organ and can perform the little sea monkey throw me in water and watch me grow trick it has reached the erroneous conclusion it is actually free.
P.S. vaginas aren't real crazy about carpooling and trash days either. Just sayin"

Romius T. said...

"watch me grow in water" Too funny.
Chicks don't like throwing the trash out? I guess that's why you make us do it. lol.