I put laundry in 8 hours ago

Random thought from one part of my brain to the other just popped in my head, "You have a load of whites in the washer. You might want to put them in the dryer."

Thanks, other-part-of-my-brain.

"Your welcome."

Your welcome? Really? You're going to take credit for remembering the load of laundry put in 8 hours ago? 8 hours ago? That load of laundry is now quite possibly stank full of mildew. If it's not mildew then we are on the cusp of mildew. The verge of mildew. You don't remember 8 hours ago and now all of a sudden you flash this little thought out of the blue while I am sitting here typing away in my black "wear the shirt and get a free bag of popcorn" Harkins t-shirt and you are going to take the thank you?

Maybe other side of the brain would like to change the subject. Do I remember the girl at the theater today? The girl that gave me the pity stare. Just because I was sitting by myself against the wall waiting for the movie Knocked Up to start. She looked at me funny because I was wearing the Harkins shirt and had my free bag of popcorn.

Why does this shirt need boobies?

Do I remember how she watched as my popcorn fell all over the place? And how she continued to stare as I balanced my dollar Souvenir cups, popcorn and candy, as I sank to my knees awaiting the opening call all by myself? Like I was screaming at her "I love me some movies. I love free popcorn and dollar sodas!!!"

She's going to feel sorry for me? She was having her fat friend night out on the town. Thursday is a good day to hang out with your fat friends. Not Friday. Friday is for getting laid.

Now she is asking herself why I didn't have any fat friends like her to hang out with on Thursday. Or why some cool guy hasn't made me his fat friend to hang with when he needs to get away from the girlfriend. Stop the pity stare, bitch. I will cut you, as soon as I put down my ziplock bag of M&M's. I can't pay theater candy prices.

Now that the movie is over, I can't stop staring at the hot girl with the goofy boyfriend on the way out of the theater. I run a bit to catch up with her badonga bong ass when it slips out of view. I don't know how much that guy pays for you, but whatever it is it's worth it. Badonga-Badonga Ass has chemistry with this guy. She looks likes she wants to be with him. Not at all like the Heigl chick when she made out with my man Seth.

"Do you know what the difference is between you and the Seth Character?" I am going to get asked this a lot. "Nope." I reply.

"You are 11 years older than him."

Fuck me.