Monday, October 02, 2006

The Baker's Moral Code. A code I can't live by.

"Do you have an 99 cent Donuts?"

Asks Diabetic Amputee Girl.

Sure she has one leg already amputated, and yes the other one is grossly swollen. But as she likes to say "I needs my sweets!"

So now I have to ask myself "Do I have some kind of 'Moral' obligation to prevent said single amputee girl from actually becoming double amputee girl?"

Too late! Before I can get all "Kantian" on Diabetic Amputee Girl she powers up her scooter and races over to the reduced table and snags the last three bags of donuts.

"It's the only time I can afford them. When they are reduced and all!"

What sort of insulin doping junkie knows how to time her visit to 8 p.m., right after I break down the bakery bins? Nice.

Attention Shoppers:

From now on if you make the manager call "customer service to the bakery" when I am on the john taking a shit, you will be getting a very special chocolate chip cookie.


If you are gonna make me leave the washroom early just so your stupid little kid can get a chocolate chip cookie, you might wanna pretend to buy something from the bakery. Grocery stores are notorious for their sectarian infighting, so I could care less that that you will be buying 3 dollars worth of fish sticks.


And now more of:

ASK the Baker.

Q. "Dear Mr. Baker, what is the difference between French Bread and Italian Bread?"

A. You mean other than the label on the cardboard box of frozen dough in the freezer? Not a damn bit of difference. I think we charge more for the Italian. But when we run out of the French bread we just substitute the Italian for it. Don't worry you can't tell the difference and either can we.

You want a real answer? In theory Italian is supposed to be chewier, but I am not an Epicurean expert. I am trained only in the meticulous nuances of placing frozen dough on metallic trays. And you're just going to slather it up with butter and garlic spread anyway completely obliterating any taste difference if there was one to start with. So I have a question for you. Why do you care?


katie schwartz said...

"What sort of insulin doping junkie" I am loving you so hard right now and laughing my ass off!

Jezebelsriot said...

You should have hit on her. That would have been one for the blog, Rommie dates diabetic amputee that cruises in her low ridin motor cart.

A very good friend of mine was a baker at a bread company around here and she loved it. It gave her this sense of culture and accomplishment to rattle off foreign sounding pastries and pretending they were delicasies when all she was doing was throwing frozen lumps of dough in a big standup oven. Then she got fired and wasn't so uppity anymore.

Romius T. said...

How the hell do you get fired at a bakery?

Glad to see you quashed all that uppitiness from your friend. Girls with low self esteem put out more.

As to the amputee, I only date lipstick amputees not the other kind.