Why are you pretending to try?

Is life REALLY worth it for most of you? You don't have to be some nihilistic anti- natalist depressed suicidal maniac to question the rationality of being alive. The Buddhists have been doing this for hundreds of years. Life is suffering. And if you aren't suffering in some objective manner, your subjectivity is gonna make damn sure you suffer anyway.

Let's examine what most people are like. Most of you live for the weekend. So you already acknowledge that 5/7 days for you suck. What you doing on the weekend? You getting blasted. You're drunk or high the whole time. All because you can't stand reality.

"Hang on!" You say. "I don't get drunk or do drugs, I just stay at home parked on the couch watching Netflix."

Correct, and you don't see how that's the same? Most of life is spent in maintaince mode. Eating, drinking, sleeping, working, watching the kids, grocery shopping, etc.

You really gonna miss all that? 

Hell, most of y'all got sanity problems. You're anxious, depressed, hungry, sad, disappointed. You really gonna miss that?

I guess some of y'all got religion. But now you just playing. God don't give a shit about you. Mosquitoes have killed billions of humans since we first started fucking. God never questioned killing all those people. Why? He knows most of y'all ain't shit.

None of you can solve any our problems either. You stop one, and wack a mole another pops up. How many fucking times do you need to volunteer at the soup kitchen before we fix hunger? How many dollar bills do I need to give to the homeless guy standing out front of the 7-11 before he has a house? What's he going to do in that house other than buy crack and corrupt his girlfriend into hooking for more. 

YOU may not get it, but the latest generation has. It's become a cliché to talk about how Gen Z wants to off themselves.  But they figured it out. They know life is meaningless. That's not a meme. Gen Z rejects the society you built for them. And just like them deep down you all know that Western Culture has become rotten. Jobs don't matter anymore. I don't care about your career. You work for the man. All you do is spread Capitalism and the Patriarchy.

Having more kids won't save you either. All they do is jack up your carbon footprint. All you did was make a mini you that you can pass down your failures to. ' But this time they'll get things right.' - - No they won't. Your kids are as worthless and stupid as you are. 

These kids are so weak (the average 20 year old boy has the testosterone level of a 60 year old geezer 20 years ago) that they bristle at being asked to do the minimum. They actually think that you deserve stuff just because they were born. They think that hard work is a crime and only something an oppressor would empose upon them. They whine, "I want a job that can express my inner feelings and won't dehumanize me!" Bitch that ain't a job. A job is putting stuff in boxes and selling it on eBay. {link in bio}

Your philosophy is all bullshit. So is your woke politically correct politics. And Reason is like a snake eating it's own tail. If you start looking at life rationally, you will quickly be like the guy who wrote a 2,000 page suicide note. You'll discover how rationality quickly flows into instrumental reason. The very mechanism of investigation becomes the instrument of destroying the sacred. Profanity is everywhere. We are left empty husks unable to ground our behavior in nature. We cannot identify with the living. We carry the manuscripts of our demise in a well ironed white suit. It clashes so brilliantly red after the explosion of metal rips the shards of our skull outward.

That's the real drag. Our lifeless bodies. Rigid with rigor mortis. The awful smell of death. The worst thing about being alive is picturing your death. The squeamish church goer that finds you on the lawn. Screaming up at heaven like God hasn't already abandoned you to the roaring pits of hell.

How long is inertia good for? Your mother's birth canal shot your forward, but not towards life, but as a rejection of life. It vomits you out to the void. To nothingness. You are a cannon ball of death and screams. The psychic pain, the stomach issues, the metabolism of decay. The laws of physics betray you. Entropy must increase.

What you need to do to forget all this is to drink 2 bottles of whiskey a day. To slam that h in your vein attempt to outsmart yourself. But you are too stupid for the task. It doesn't matter if you reject me. It doesn't matter if you reject this philosophy. I'll be seeing you. You're cold dead eyes will lock with mine and we will stare lifelessly into the abyss and we will see how long it takes us to become the monster. 

Simping is the new Pimping™

THE SELF HELP GUIDE TO MODERN KINK

I've spent close to $20,000 as sex addict on everything you can think of. Pornography, Findom, catfishing scams, strippers, phone sex, prostitutes, OnlyFan's and the like.  Not to brag, but I am pretty sure that an amount like that  enshrines me into the Simp Hall of Fame.™

I've spent that money not hoping for girlfriends or a wife. I've thrown that money down the drain chasing a high or gettin off to a kind of masturbation which substitutes for real intercourse.  I've resorted to this enterprise because for the last 17 years or so I have failed to secure myself even a minimal level of female companionship.

Now Jordan Peterson would probably chalk all this up to hypergamy. In case you don't know what hypergamy is, it's a female dating strategy that's taken over the internet. The basic idea being women are looking to date 'up' on the social ladder. In practice this means women don't want to date men who are low in the social status. 

Where do I fit on the social ladder? Very low. Most people in their 30's have figured out how to buy a car or earn more than $15 an hour. I'm 50 yet I still haven't. That means basically attractive homeless men have a better shot at getting laid than I do. That's why I wasted a year's salary on women who have no desire to sleep with me or even communicate to me without some kind of remuneration. 

BETA MALE OR SIMP

Many people wrongly associate "simping" with being a beta male. But the two are only mildly related. Beta males are males that basically want the same things as alpha males, but lack resources and other characteristics to to get them. They sneak into the female camp when alpha is away. They are the friend-zoned guy who waits for his clear shot. But at least the beta is talking and relating to a real live girl. The beta even shows a kind of bravery because there's the danger that the alpha could catch the beta and attack him. 

But simping is totally different, today's internet simping is an abstraction on relationships. It's providing resources and support to the female without (generally) the possibility of any real life interactions for the male. 

What's the danger of that simping? That it's no longer a kink a few people have, but becomes the dominant method of interaction. Charles Murray identified the 'solitaire' individual as a danger to society. No more marriage, no more babies, no more society.  If you aren't interacting in reality you can't get anyone pregnant. And you aren't in a real relationship as a SIMP, no matter what she tells you. 

Normally the ambitionless, beer bellied women who make up the majority of Only Fans creators and non-in-person sex workers would receive only a small amount of attention from men. Only ugly guys, the socially clueless, or nice guys who wouldn't dare talk to hot girls give these girls any attention. Even then chubby gals have to endure seeing men drool over their more attractive friends (just look at tiktok if you want proof- there's a whole trend in social media of the ugly women of the world talking about the heart wrenching feeling THEY get when a man only weakly offers his hand shake.) 

Instead the .2 percent of men that are actually attracted to these tatted, obese, single moms is now exponentially lifted by access to a world internet market, so these fake dommes all get 15 minutes of fame riding the social media caravan of 'look at me' and 'aren't I important?'

The rise of this social currency further inflates the in-born hypergamic mating strategy of twenty and thirty something women. An only fans woman with no skills other than owning a vagina should settle into realistic social relation patterns. They would date short men with glasses because all the hot guys are taken. But social media and Venmo assign over-sized value to otherwise ordinary and truthfully below average girls.

In the long run these trends only serve to tear at the fabric of society. The destructive nature of anti-patriarchal forces underestimate the costs of destroying the apparatus of control. Patriarchy for all its faults sublimates the aggressive impulses of single men.*  It herds men into monogamous relationships as providers and protectors for wives and children. Without this powerful behavioral force for conformity we witness men abandoning their obligations. Men are opting out of dating and raising families. Some men (MGTOW) are going so far as to opt out of not only sex but even interacting with females at all. These trends are reflected in statistics that show men are waiting longer to lose their virginity, waiting longer to get married, and opting out of marriage all together ensuring that the rising rates of female led homes will continue. 

Some of these MGTOW men have tried transition into to something besides an alpha or beta status. They call themselves lone wolves.**** Most of these guys grew up reading Ayn Rand, wearing trench coats or stupid hats. None of these guys get laid either, but because they watched their fathers change the oil in their family cars they believe they are self reliant. They are wrong and foolish. These men have removed themselves from the dating pool though so far our purposes we can call them SIMPS. 

The rise of the Simp. Why cucks will be the new norm. 

Beta males have been around forever. We find betas in the natural kingdom all around us. They aren't always successful, but the strategy has a solid evolutionary foundation. But simping as a phenomenon (while not entirely new) has evolved from a bizarre fetish that few men could see themselves doing into one of the dominant modes of sexual expression in the future. 

Do women see the danger here? Possibly, but let's face it women have only ever really wanted protection and resource harvesting from men. It's common knowledge that women find men ugly. In one scientific survey 80 percent of all men were rated physically unattractive by women. And women are notoriously fluid in their sexual categories. Most are bi-sexual. The majority of them even get turned on by monkeys, dogs, or horses masturbating. [Now the feminist response to female fluid sexuality and female zooophilia is the suggestion that in the not too distant past women were subject to the sexual violence of monkeys and horses so often that their vaginal tissues become engorged and lubricated at the mere site of these animals. I think this concept should be met with skeptism.]**

I guess what I'm saying here is that you can't really blame men for simping when you realize what these men understand something that alphas and betas don't understand. That women view men as disposable and unworthy of attention unless they can provide resources. The only reasons women stay in relationships. 

SIMPS have given up on traditional relationships. They've cucked themselves willingly because at least they feel they get something for paying to play. In exchange for money they get off and they can start and stop when they choose. They probably even feel like they have gained a bit of control where they once did not have any. Being in charge of the purse strings means for the first time some of these men are having women approach them. Sure, it's a sales job, but most men aren't used to being approached at all. Most likely there's a sizable percentage of men who get confused by such a process as well. They mistake the approach and niceness as legit instead of a transaction. 

What does this do to younger men? Well, men, and especially young men have been subjected to a rash of anti-male rhetoric. "All men are trash" and toxic masculinity are battle cries for the latest feminist project. I'm not suggesting that reclaiming of rights and freedom from women is not overdue. I'm suggesting that toxic rhetoric made against the male gender can have massively negative effects on boys. 

It seems obvious now that young boys have internalized this criticism. A mere Google search indicates how poorly young boys are fairing. Combine the failures of providing these basics with being told that masculinity is wrong. Next, society insists men put women on pedestals. Basically, we are turning boys into SIMPS and then we wonder why they aren't interested in growing up, or getting into relationships. And because men don't become masculine women don't find them attractive anymore. We have abandoned traditional relationships and classic gender roles but we have failed to replace them with anything equal or positive. What's forming in the chaos is turning men and women towards a KINK they probably never wanted. 

*I've oversimplified here.

**I'm not saying they lying.

**** Sigma males. 

Democracy under attack

Because you've never seen this before you don't understand what's going on.

America, this is how you overthrow democracy. First, you take over the capital, and you plant bombs, and you have a president who interrupts the final step to replace him, and he says, 'I'll never concede.' Then you incite chaos hoping the people ask for you to remain in office to maintain order, or you hope to spark severe violence and attack the state.

The chaos is a test to see if you can convince enough supporters to run into the streets. If they don't you can always pull back, because you never admitted to what you're doing. If you don't admit it the "enemy" may not think to organize a defense. But friends of democracy you must stand to its defense today! Don't be mistaken. A defense will be necessary because what you are watching is nothing short of a slow and inept coup.

Trump has disgraced the Presidency for the final time and in the lowest manner possible. He is a traitor to this nation. 

The coup started before he knew he lost. He started by advancing notions that you couldn't trust the results of the election. He then threatened lawmakers and election officials to change votes. He asked for protestors to get wild in the capital and then they stormed the capital and interrupted the final ceremonial vote to replace him; meanwhile, saying he'd never concede.

He has done unfathomable damage to our country. And to the world that looks to us for inspiration. 

Trump has forfeited his right to rule this country.  Justice demands he be impeached again.

Looking back history would have regarded Trump as nothing more than a failed one term president, who'd rather golf than lead. Instead he has secured for himself the infamy of immortality by becoming the first president to ever attempt to subvert the American people and refuse a peaceful transfer of power. 

History will certainly remember you now, Donald Trump. It will remember your cowardice, your vanity, your mendacity, it will remember the 350,00 lives lost on your watch, it will remember your pathetic apotheosis of despots, and tragically it will remember that you took the first shot at our democracy.

This great country, founded on the principles of Liberty and equality has survived attacks before. The sedition of slave holding southerners, the viscous attacks on Pearl Harbour, the terror of 9/11. It has persisted against those odds because the spirit of this country is dedicated to the proposition that all of us are created equal.

Donald Trump you have fought in vain today and you have lost. Democracy has triumphed today. We did not go down your path to absolutism. A government for the people and by the people SHALL persist and we shall not let it perish from this Earth!

A special message to the Baby Boomer Generation

A SPECIAL MESSAGE TO THE BABY BOOMER GENERATION

SO I TYPE IN ALL CAPS LIKE YOU LIKE. 

PLEASE QUIT FUCKING WITH OUR DEMOCRACY, OKAY, BABY BOOMERS!

SERIOUSLY.

In the 1980's everyone knew Donald John Trump was a conman. EVERYONE. He was a joke.

Now this conman wants to ruin democracy. Just this little experiment we've been running over here for the last 240 years or so.

OK BOOMERS, Remember how your parents survived the depression and fought Nazis? They ended up calling themselves "the greatest generation." Nice humble brag, right?

And they never really let you guys forget it. You guys were huge disappointments to your GGE (GREATEST GENERATION EVER) WITH YOUR DAMN POT SMOKING, CULT JOINING, ME ME, ME 60'S HIPPIE BULLSHIT.

And your parents weren't wrong, though they ain't right - if you get my drift.

So you guys are always out there trying to one up the old man. Trying to punch him in the jaw. But the old man still smoked 2 packs of cigs and and drank whiskey instead of water. He had OLD MAN STRENGTH AND HE COULD ALWAYS KNOCK YOU THE FUCK DOWN.

That must have sucked.

But you guys had something up your sleeves. MALCOM, DR. KING

CIVIL RIGHTS MOFO. 1964 BABY.

Hey, thanks for that. Well some of you at least.

But uh 1970's?

You guys passed laws making it easy to discriminate against families with kids. THAT IS WHEN YOU WEREN'T TOO BUSY SNORTING COCAINE AND HUMPING ANYTHING THAT MOVED.

THOUGH WHAT A DECADE FOR FILM!

1980'S GREED IS GOOD. YOU GUYS LOVE CAPITALISM AGAIN!

Honestly, didn't see that one coming. THEN SOMEBODY SAID LET'S TRY MASS INCARCERATION!

{SHOUT OUT TO UNCLE JOE BIDEN. BUT HE HARDLY FUCKING STARTED IT}

THEN WE GOT A BLACK PRESIDENT AND YOU GUYS PATTED YOURSELVES ON THE BACK (even though you didn't vote for him.)

But something happened during that presidency. You guys started listening to a conman. A cheap one trick con artist who doesn't give a shit about you or the middle class or the uneducated {No wait... He loves the uneducated!}

This conman doesn't give a shit about democracy. He's got you feeling some type of way about it too.

Ask yourselves if Trump 'legit' lost the election would you want him to concede? You wouldn't.

WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT THOUGHT COME FROM?

Hold up. Before you answer I let you think about that one for a bit.

Straight up though. Your man is a reality TV star who's burned through his daddies cash faster than a meth addict chasing his first high. He's never paid taxes and most of his companies failed as soon as he got his tiny baby hands on them.

But I don't give a shit about any of that. Now y'all ain't gonna like what's about to come next, but it's got to be said. Because y'all about to break this country. About to break this democracy. And I ain't having it!

Let's get real. Or as the kids say. We keeping it 100.

MOST OF Y'ALL BOOMER GANG GONNA DIE SOON. YOU GETTING OLD. HOW MANY YEARS YOU GOT? 5, 10, 20?

WELL WE NEED THIS DEMOCRACY FOR A HELL OF BIT LONGER THAN THAT.

YOU ARE LABELED AS THE MOST SELFISH GENERATION EVER. AND THAT WAS FOR A REASON. CUZ YOU FUCKING ARE.

Y'ALL JUST LIKE YOUR PREZ WAS BORN ON 3RD BASE AND THOUGHT YOU HIT A HOMER.

AND NOW YOU WANNA TAKE YOUR TOYS AND GO HOME BECAUSE YOU DON'T LIKE THE OUTCOME.

FUCK THAT. YOU WILL STAND RIGHT HERE WEARING A MASK AND FIX THIS SHIT. YOU DON'T GET TO BAIL IN 10 YEARS WITH ALL YOUR TOYS AND LEAVE ME AND YOUR GREAT GRAND CHILDREN TO TRY AND CLEAN THIS MESS UP.

TELL HIM TO STAND DOWN. HE LOST. YOU KNOW HE DID. QUIT ACCEPTING AND COVERING FOR A MAN WHO REFUSES TO PLAY BY THE RULES. TELL TRUMP THE RULES FINALLY APPLY TO HIM. HE'S ACTING JUST LIKE THE AUTHORITARIANS YOUR PARENTS FOUGHT.

SECRETLY, YOUR GENERATION WANTS THE MEAN DADDY TO COME BACK AND PUNISH YOU FOR ALL THE MISBEHAVING.

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO FORGIVE YOURSELVES. FOR NOT LIVING UP TO THEIR STANDARDS.

YOU'LL NEED TO FORGIVE YOURSELVES FOR SQUANDERING ALL THAT POTETIAL YOU HAD.

THE BOOMER GENERATION THOUGHT IT HAD IT'S TEST AND PASSED IT. YOU WERE WRONG. THIS IS YOUR TEST. AND YOU ARE FAILING BADLY.

YOU'RE ABOUT TO SAY GOODBYE TO DEMOCRACY, TO THE RULE OF LAW. YOU WILL MAKE THIS COUNTRY UNGOVERNABLE. YOU MIGHT EVEN THINK A LITTLE CIVIL WAR COULD BE A GOOD THING.

BABY BOOMER. YOU ELECTED THIS GUY. HE'S YOU. HE'S YOUR FAULT. HE'S READY TO SAY OR DO ANYTHING TO STAY IN POWER. IT'S YOUR JOB TO CONVINCE HIM HE'S WRONG.

LOOK I'M SORRY YOU DIDN'T GET TO BE THE GGE {GREATEST GENERATION EVER} I KNOW YOU WANTED THAT. BUT FRANKLY 🙁 YOU DON'T DESERVE IT.

BUT YOU CAN DO THIS. YOU CAN STOP THE END OF THE AMERICAN DECLINE. YOU CAN RETURN US TO OUR ROOTS. TO THE IDEALS OF THIS IMPERFECTLY CRAFTED COUNTRY. THE LOFTY IDEAS THAT SHINE LIKE A BEACON. THAT WELCOME THE WORLD FORWARD TOWARDS JUSTICE WITH THE FULL KNOWLEDGE THAT ALL OF US ARE CREATED EQUAL.

JUSTICE DEMANDS THIS. A PEACEFUL TRANSFER OF POWER IS THE MINIMUM CONDITION OF EVERY DEMOCRACY.

YOU MUST SEE THE DANGER HERE!

SOME OF YOUR GRANDCHILDREN HAVE ONLY SEEN THE TOXIC BATTLEGROUND THAT POLITICS HAS BECOME.

RISE UP. SHOW THOSE GRAND CHILDREN THAT THERE IS HONOR IN DEFEAT. THAT YOU CAN LOVE YOUR POLITICAL ENEMY. THAT YOU CAN SACRAFICE YOUR SELFISH DESIRES FOR THE GOOD OF THE COUNTRY.

REMEMBER AL GORE? MAKE FUN IF YOU WANT. BUT HE STEPPED ASIDE FOR THE GOOD OF THE COUNTRY. HE WAS A PATRIOT. DEEP DOWN SO ARE YOU. NO MATTER HOW ANGRY YOU'VE BECOME OVER HOW THINGS ARE GOING. AL GORE SAW THE DANGER IN REFUSING A PEACEFUL TRANSFER OF POWER. 

NOW IT'S YOUR TURN.

Your kids are in DANGER

Mom and Dad:

WE NEED YOU TO BE THE GROWN UPs ONE LAST TIME

FIGHT THIS DANGER WE CAN'T

SIGNED, 

GENERATION X

THE ONES YOU FORGOT.

The Bibliography

Okay folks here is the start of the bibliography. I don't remember how to write a bib anymore.

"The Bell Curve." By Charles Murray and Richard Herrnstein 1994

"Torn Apart" By Charles Murray 

"Bowling Alone." Robert D Putman

"The Bell Curve Wars." Steven 

"Mismeasure of Men." Steven J Gould.

"A Troublesome Inheritance." Nicholas Wade.

"The Undeserving Poor." Michael B. Katz.

"Five Families." Oscar Lewis

Articles/PDF's

Torn Apart? The Impact of Manufacturing Employment Decline on Black and White Americans Eric D. Gould Link 

The World Famous Vox Article on the Bell Curve  author Charles Murray and Sam Harris. Link HERE.

PODCASTS

Sam Harris interview with Charles Murray. HERE.

Sam Harris interview with Robert Plomin. HERE.

Sam Harris interview with Kathryn Paige Harden (Co-author of the Vox Article.)

Videos:

Robert Plomin A blueprint: How DNA makes us who we are. Google Talk

The growing correlation between RACE and SAT 

Charles Murray The Bell Curve: Revisited. 

Bill Kristoll Interview With Charles Murray

Boredom is lack of connection, my anger is OTHER directed & also I flip the inverted pyramid upside down so it's like it's supposed to be

The best thing that's come from living in the Quarantine State is that many of you are finally experiencing the same lifestyle & circumstances that have left me tired of life. What am I talking about? A lack of meaning.  No connection to something greater than myself.  A boring an uninspired life.  A Repetition of fruitless tasks. Welcome to the milieu of the unskilled.  A place where we can not brag about our jobs.  A time when we are ashamed about our ability to provide for our families. The virus and all these events have left us worried for our physical safety in ways no American has for decades.

I know this because so many of you tell me how hard things are for you.  I know that many of you have lost your jobs.  And for most Americans having a job is really important.  It defines who you are.  It's the first question we ask each other. Though really that question is just an attempt at understanding our place in the social hierarchy.  But Americans don't like to think about class.  We fool ourselves. We call everybody middle class.  I think Bill Gates says he's still in the middle class.  

You probably had a job until 3 months ago.  But now you are living off unemployment, or aybe you are working from  home and have had to take a pay cut.  Maybe your job isn't as glamorous as the food clerk at your local grocery store.  You aren't "essential."  People don't thank you for your service anymore...they only thank me.   And maybe you are having a bad time about that.  

Don't fret.  At least you have a choice.  Most of us going to battle against the virus have no choice.  WE go to work because we can't stay home.  I didn't have much of a choice, how long do you think I could stay home making near minimum wage?  A choice of ability to stay home could save my life.  I've had cancer, my cancer was in the blood as they say and it damaged my heart and was in my lungs.  It left it difficult for me to climb stairs.  I need to go see a cardiologist, but who can afford that too?  So if I get this I'm probably a gonner.  I'd definitely trade places with you if I could.  Also, kinda tired of being thanked by my customers without masks anyways.  Not that I get gratitude that much anymore.  You are all ready forgetting who is doing what.  You are so damned bored that you are losing your minds.  You equate social distancing because in this pandemic with an intrusion on your rights.  Well, last time I checked, the right to live is first.  So take precautions when you are out there and you might just end up saving my life.  

The Self Help Guide to Surviving the Pandemic:

AS a guy who had lived his whole life in a perpetual state of boredom let me provide some self help for you.  I know how it feels to have a job that no one respects, or how it feels to not have a job at all.  Honestly this is just pride on your part and you can let that go real quick.  If you take a shit in your pants on the front line charging a machine gun, no one really focuses on the shit. No one gets embarrassed easily. They are just trying not to die.  

So instead of focusing on what you don't have:  A girlfriend, friends who respect you, a car, the ability to make your monthly mortgage payment, focus on the things that you do have.  Like that box of expired jello pudding snacks in the back of your pantry.  Those things don't really expire, so if you have some milk, you got pudding! 

Don't worry about your social status,  it's totally coming back!  In fact I would harken to say that class will be a bigger and badder thing in the near future.  The USA is finally going back to it's European roots and get a bit classy.  Meaning educated and rich people are going to be looked up at even more and the poor and the dumb will be stuck in dangerous and old fashioned jobs where we get coughed on by possible carriers.  

Americans in general can't wait to go back to mistreating clerks and the little man.  Most grocery store chains have already stopped the hero pay. Only consumer outrage has them backtracking and offering bonuses.  So I guess the second thing you could do is write an e-mail to the store you purchase your groceries from and request that those heroes get paid.  It will benefit you in the long run.  If you're rich, you will keep the tide of lumpenproletariat from tearing down your city.  If you are an unemployed bum benefiting from the extra 600 dollars of emergency money, you don't have to feel as guilty.  Though you should.  Because it is possible that your bartending job is going away forever and you will have to start work alongside me.  

[As an aside WTF are strippers going to do?  How many of you can really move your craft over to camming?  Do you just go to prostitution?  Won't that be even more dangerous that it was before?  Also, how much do you charge?]

How do I deal with the boredom though?

When you are broke and as socially inept as I am you have to watch a lot of TV and read a lot of books.  But I have noticed that boredom is less about the lack of things to do and more with the lack of connection to something bigger and to other people. 

If you are lucky enough to have a spouse or a partner then stick to them like glue.  They should be your guide in how to get through this.  Take care of your kids.  Visit your granny.  Wait take that back.  Call Grandma.  Don't visit her, you'll probably kill her if you go see her!  Wish her good luck too. 

You might take up playing video game playing.  I don't play them.  As a 50 year old single male who played Dungeons & Dragons and regularly visits forums on how to "pick up chicks" I figured why not just go full nerd and vegetate on some video games.  I do like war tanks after all. I have spent two weeks worth of vacation trying to decide if I want to spend $150 dollars on a starter gaming PC. I could use it for E-sports games and better word processing for this blog!  I have checked out Facebook Marketplace, E-bay, Craigslist, you name it.  I am watching all kinds of videos on YouTube telling me how to put together my own system.  I know the differences between SSD's and SSHD and HDD.  See this google search for more info:

While SSD stands for Solid-State Drive, SSHD is the Solid- State Hybrid Drive. SSD is largely similar to a USB flash drive, only much bigger on storage and much faster on processing. ... SSHD is similar to the traditional hard disk with a very small quantity of solid-state storage built in, approximately around 8 GB.

SSD vs SSHD: Compared - Platinum Data Recovery

Oh, another thing you could do is start a blog!  You could do one about how your hot wife likes to sleep around on you and how your spouse's cheating on you actually turns you on.  Maybe go deep into your childhood and try to explain why you need to revisit your parents infidelity. I'm sure it would make for some good reading.  Might even save you a trip to the psychologist!

To sum up:

You aren't bored.  There are tons of activities to do.  What you miss is your connection to your job which provided more for you than just a way to earn a living.  It provided things like your place in the society.  It told you who you could bully.  It gave you social interaction satisfaction. It left you on solid ground.  You did not have to question the proper place of people and goals in your life.  Today you are left wondering if all the people you didn't care about or need are more important than you are.  Maybe you are just a useless banker that does nothing but make pretend money for rich people who don't need it.   

But the pandemic is pernicious in other ways than just wrangling the air out of it's victims, leaving them gasping for air, alone, coughing and sputtering , their last spastic movements searching for comfort. It also provides the possibility to get rid of whole sections of people who you define as useless.  Get rid of the poor, the sick, the needy.  We will send the poor to the grocery store for us.  We will cut off their unemployment and raises. We won't worry about senior living facilitates, because then we can gut Social Security.  We won't provide treatment to the addicted or places to live to for the homeless.  We will let them congregate out of necessity and then, "Let nature take it's course."   

That course you wish to steer is history one you have dreamed about for years, ever since you came across that old WWII book in your grandfather's basement.  It was supposed to explain to you that draconian autocrats who use genetics to wage 'a war against the weak' are cruel.  But you really liked the idea.  You fancy yourself a survivor.  You fancy yourself, "one of the strong."  There would not normally be much support for this idea among the inhabitants of a strong middle class society with a respect for law and who had social norms that defended the weak.  But these aren't normal times.  We live in times where the diseased attack the healthy just through tthough their breath. 25% unemployment has hastened the arrival of a great mass of useless LumpenAmericans.  

The middle class has died.  Who is left? The takers and the makers.  The makers only need a small group of people to tend to the grass cutting or the nanny making.  The makers cry out,  "Let the Robots come!  Let the Poor die! Let the sick fall over in the street,  I will leave my house through helicopter cars, and I will be whisked away from protests and street crime by automated driving heuristics.  I have no need for my fellow man! And when I do, I command that you go out to the farms and the dirty cities and leave your masks behind!  Remember your freedom!!!! Remember A billion Bangladeshi wish they were you!!"

Day 4 of the Quarantined Vacation and nothing goes wrong

If you think it's hard to write every single day when nothing happens to you, and you base your blog on your real life experiences, then you would be correct.  So the thing is you just sit down and start typing and eventually something will come out.  It probably won't win any Nobel prizes and it will leave your old fans wondering why they even come back here.  They remember a time when this blog was funny and controversial. But as one a dear friend of mine has said, "The new you is grown up and world weary.  You aren't relying on sophomoric humor and easy racism." 

No today you won't get jokes about step-sister necrophilia.  Even though those jokes are still funny to me.

No.  Today I feel a kind of responsibility that goes beyond just t appealing to the kind of people I can shock.  Have I gone soft??  Maybe. Maybe I'm just not funny anymore. 

Well to answer that I'll invite you over to my house and you can listen in to me and my roommate.  When we get started together we seem to egg the other on until we get to a point that if somebody ever taped the conversations we had we'd probably both get arrested and every single decent human being who likes us would hate us and and then disown us.  Frankly, I couldn't be angry at them for doing it.  In fact if I ever heard the conversations I've had with this man from another person I would instantly hate those people too.  

And that got me thinking.  Maybe I am not really being fair to other people when I write something that could be taken the wrong way (or even the right way!)  Should I really make fun of the poor, if I count myself as an advocate? You know before I would say unequivocally "YES."  But today I hesitate before I say some glib thing online.  I have deleted a few comments or left them in draft form.  Take Twitter.  I used to love trolling.  Now I am not so sure.  Am I maturing?  Is that a good thing?  Because frankly, some people need a good troll in their lives.  Right Karen?  Though at this point I've almost started feeling sorry for Karen.  

Compassion is the thing more people need nowadays and it seems like it is always something that's in short supply.  Kinda like toilet paper in the apocalypse, am I right? OK.  Sorry for that joke.

So far I'd say my analysis is at least partially true.  That's because I might just be a wimp, not wanting to put myself out there anymore because trying is hard stuff. Talking about Suicide ain't easy.  Talking about how angry some of us are ain't easy.  You wanna get it right.  You'd like to add to the conversation.  You wanna bring something someone else hasn't. I mean you do if you have any integrity at all.  I'd like to think my writing had some integrity.  But if I don't that's okay too.  I never promised "them" that much here. Haven't you learned one thing by now? Don't put your faith in me.  Not here. Don't make that bet.  You're gonna lose it all if you believe in me. 

I know what you are thinking, "Maybe he can prove us all wrong."  But you and I learned that lesson long time ago.  They aren't wrong. 

We are.

Day 3 of the vacation

Daddy,

Day three of the vacation was quite boring. The roommate made cheese enchiladas. I made tostadas. I watched a little TV. I vacuumed the bedroom and my room looks so much better. I need 2 do that more often. 

Was gonna go the store but decided against it. I bought some Pepsi-Cola® the kind made from real sugar and it's the flattest tasting soda I've ever drank. Not sure if the 2 liter bottles have gone bad or what. But trust me so terrible.

I have yet to get to work on some of the things I promised to write about, but they are coming. The house took a bit of cleaning up and I'm getting used to my new freedom. I hope to write more soon. 

But just sitting here writing every day seems good for now. And maybe a few of you will remember coming here everyday and welcome my return. Perhaps that's all I need to get the creative juices flowing again. 

Tonight I'm trying writing out on my phone and I have to say that the typing experience is not too bad. I don't know if that is because typing on phones has become so good, or I'm just not used to a real keyboard anymore.

You can't do things like ad pictures or multimedia as well as with a big monitor and keyboard. But that's not necessarily surprising is it?

Really thinking about getting a low budget computer for around $150 that's for sale nearby. If I can talk him down to 100 it would be a great deal. Probably gonna change the battery in my Note 8. Best Buy will change it for 50 dollars. A smoking deal really. I won't make the gofundme joke that seems a prerequisite for complaints about money. Still no stimulas check. So I gotta buy everything myself. Not terrible, because I believe people ought to handle they business anyway. But the roommate will be moving out soon and I don't plan get another one. At least not for awhile. Maybe the next one will have to pay the actual going rate for rooms around here. That would make me some extra money. Money I should have, had I kept better hold of my finances. Cancer and internet girls stole it all. But I'll bounce back!

I think I missed you guys. I might just have to keep this up. 

Stay safe out there friends. 

Day 2 of the quarantined vacation

Day 2 starts with a bang.

HAHA not really.

I woke a little later than normal. My alarm actually went off.  I reached over and and dismissed the Pixel 2 and it's pop up alarm.  I then sat in bed for around 2 hours.  Mostly watching porn with the occasional e-mail check.  

It took a few hours for me to remember that I hadn't had a soda.  Eventually I grab a coke and my first meal.  It consisted of the remainder of last night's meal.  Tacos of the shredded beef variety including homemade shells.  It was quite good.  And a real change from the ground beef tacos that I have been consuming regularly for months now.  Next, I will make some beans.  

8:14 Eastern Standard

Beans are on the stove and cooking.  Should be a few hours to be good.  They go well with the Cheese Enchiladas I plan on having the roommate make.   

Today's movie watch?  The Man Who Fell to Earth.  It stars David Bowie and is a weird and sex filled Sci-Fi cult movie.  I remember watching the movie when I was on summer break in the 8th grade.  I was visiting my cousin Ryan.  I thought Ryan was the epitome of cool. He played games like Axis & Allies.  He visited France and came back with a case of culture shock.  I had never heard of Culture Shock before and certainly would have never been exposed to a person who could have suffered from such a thing.  

The only thing I knew about culture at that point was Omni Magazine and Space 1999 toys.  My cousin let me listen to his walkman and I heard music in stereo and high definition for the first time.  My cousin talked to me about his experience watching Flashdance.  It was a cultural powerhouse at the time and was moving the needle in communities where are you had on television was the Trinity Broadcasting network.  Trinity was a group of scam artists who fancied themselves heroes of the christian televangelism kind.  My cousin introduced me to David Letterman, so I spent the rest of the Summer trying to stay up to midnight so I could watch something that was probably over my head, but I still understood that I was watching something that hadn't been done before.  This wasn't comedy for MeMaw or my parents.  This was comedy for Kool Kids like my cousin and maybe me.  As long as I stopped waving goodbye to the Ryan's friends when we left their place from playing A&A.

Ryan was a pretty short for a guy maybe that's why he drove the MG Midget.  A small guy in a small car might not be the best decision, but then again what did I know?  I certainly didn't know how to work on a car like him.  I thought that was pretty cool, because Ryan was certainly the smartest guy I knew.  He was an intellectual in my mind.  He read books and no one made fun of him for doing it.  He argued with adults about politics, something I had no idea about and never even thought permissible.  

I had one 'real' discussion with one of my stepmothers and my dad when I came out as atheist and communist.   They warned me that I was, " ripe pickings for a cult."  I reminded them that no one has ever wanted me (including them) and they remembered how true that was and stopped worrying that I would get brainwashed because no one likes a loser with self esteem problems.   

You know never getting brainwashed in retrospect might have been a bad thing.  A scientific world view doesn't provide anything like being truly certain and correct with the TRUTH.  And I think life is probably easier and less anxious being certain.  Never doubting oneself or one's beliefs.  I could have stuck to WWE wrestling and mindless Christianity and how great Texas and aMErica was and lived in that bubble with little worry.  Maybe even being accepted by society.  Have a few kids and a middle aged wife. Teach bowling and the scouts. 

Instead I doubt all my beliefs,  I can't believe anything for sure.  In the end Reason turns back on itself and destroys the very foundations it provides to as a method for overcoming certainty. The method is doubt.  And while doubt is the perfect method to get towards conditional, truth I have no doubt that living with doubt is the least human way to live.  

House Keeping!!!!

I told you guys over on Twitter that I would be posting every day and I plan on keeping to my word!

If you are as obsessed with me as I am with with you then you are going to need to keep coming back to this page as I will refresh it several times throughout the day.  Frankly, I need to see the views on this blog go up for my vanity and sanity.

I started vacation today.

I just needed to get away from the grocery store and don't have too many plans.  Arizona is just loosening restrictions and things are beginning to open back up.  I don't feel too good about his idea yet. But if I get too bored I might take advantage and do something.  I am taking two weeks off in a row.  I am not sure if that was really allowed as I have rarely seen it done, but the front end leader we have is sort of weak a guy and I took advantage.

I have several plans that are for certain.  I am posting a lot on social media.  I am crock potting a lot.  I am finally going to get a primary care physician again.  I found a doctor pretty close to me and I have heard good things about this doctor.  I hope to get seen by him during my vacation.  If it happens he agrees that I need additional time off during this pandemic so be it!

This post is called house keeping for a reason.  Just catching you up on the person Romius T and this might be a little boring if you don't know me personally or don't follow the blog anymore.  But I figure I am going to let you know what's going on right now so that you can feel where I am coming from.  Let me assure you that there will be some interesting content coming.  Some of the titles I am working on and researching for the next two weeks include: The Myth of the Mediocre White Man, Should I get Angry?- working at a grocery store during the pandemic, Why not Suicide? The kind of Controversial shit you expect from this blog.

The Guidebook: 

I purchased something like 150 dollars worth of food over the last three days so I am pretty sure I am okay to stay inside for the most part.  Despite the large purchase (as a single guy that's a lot of food!) I didn't really buy any lunch meat or a ton of stuff for dinner.  It's mostly water, 8 two liters of soda, a couple of 24 packs of soda (my roommate helps himself to it so that's part of the requirement behind so much delicious Coke.)

For breakfast I have Carnation Instant Breakfast chocolate flavored milk.  Bagels with crunchy style peanut butter and the biggest box of Lucky Charms branded cereal that you have seen. I purchased the Lucky Charms awhile ago and I am happy to consume it finally as it expires in July.  I still have half a gallon or so of milk left but I will need to get more eventually.

This really is a giant box of Lucky Charms brand cereal!  Do you think I can eat all this cereal in 2 weeks?  Do you think I should post a poll and have you guys vote?  What DO YOU think?  Please add a comment to this blog.

After breakfast I will be looking to do dishes unless my roommate is working from home, if that is the case I will start writing.  I will update and correct my work throughout the day, so if you see a lot of typos and the like just refresh that page a few hours later.  You will see time stamps as I live blog.  Twitter and instagram will alert you to my progress.  We are going to make this a multimedia extravaganza. Sure all this comes many years after this blog is relevant but what the hell?  @romiust is my twitter handle and you can always DM for more social links if you care. I am starting a cooking series of uploads on facebook and I might upload them to Youtube if that's possible.  Otherwise you are going to miss out on all of that and folks can I tell you that you aren't truly missing out, but hey I need the attention during this whole stay at home thing.  Also, since I haven't had a GF in like 4 years hopefully you people can fill a void on the inside of me.

I will be taking walks in the evening or night time as during the day it is repulsively hot in Arizona right now.  I'll also update you to my watch list of exciting TV shows and movies.  As I have much better taste than you, stay tuned.

Currently watching Epix "War of the Worlds" TV series.  It's quite dark! There are multiple suicides.  Robot dogs that kill children and kidnap babies.  And a brother that rapes and impregnates his sister.  Also, oh yeah most of the people are already dead and killer aliens are hell bent on killing the rest of us off.

Other things I am looking forward too?

I am looking for a budget computer to game on.  Never been a gamer but decided I would like to try. Currently, my set up consists of a chromebook and wireless bluetooth keyboard.  Remember when I bought that wireless keyboard?  Well I have dusted it off and am using it.  It's going okay and typing isn't too bad.  Much better than the HP Chromebook x2 's smallish keyboard.  I have only a 12.3 inch screen so I'd like a full sized monitor and keyboard to type on for the blog especially since I am committed to bringing this thing back..of course that takes you to help.  I need you to join me on this journey and tell your friends.  I don't wanna sound like a dick, but if I can't get famous this way, there's always me getting a gun and shooting the fucking world up.  Let's try and prevent the fucking carnage, okay?

I am getting thirsty so lemme take a break and get a Coke. *

*I should mention no affiliate links are ever used and I don't get paid for this as Google deems my content too extreme.  So this is all for fun.  One day I'll set up a Patreon or something but really asking you to pay for this shitty content right now is asking too much.

I am looking at a few different kind of PC's on facebook, but I kinda want to get a iMac 27 inch.  I just need an upgraded 2013 with an i5, SSD , 8 to 16 GB of RAM and maybe some kind of discrete graphics card.  Only thing is you Apple freaks make that rather modest set up like $1200 dollars and I am not willing to pay more than $350.  I mean folks it's quite ridiculous.  I could get a new computer that would blow a modern MAc pro out for 1200 bucks.  Be sensible.  Okay well that is the first installment.  I will be adding pictures of the Lucky Charms Box I know you'll want to see!!!

29 views later...

I know I have been away awhile, but just 29 views for the last post I made?  That first blog post in months shows that I have a long way to go before I can say we have a community again here.

That's OK.  You have to earn eyeballs and I haven't earned anything lately.

If you find the quality of writing to be down don't be too disappointed.  It's going to take awhile before I am confident enough to let loose and present my best stuff.

For now you get what you pay for which is Jack Squat!

Got COVID 19?? How suicide seems less cool now ...

Don't think you guys owe me anything.  

Not that you didn't abandon this blog way before I stopped writing it. That's cool and all and if it helps I never expected much anyway.  But things have been shitty lately.  Like how we have this stupid run on toilet paper and this crazy 'Chinese' Virus that is going to kill us all.  Well kill you at least.  I hope.

Personally I am less suicidal, now that I know my days are numbered.

Many of you guys remember that I work at a grocery store so you'll be glad to know that I will get exposed to this virus any day now.

This alt Sci-Fi World we live in crazy.  Unlike you, I am a hero for working on the front lines.  You hoard paper products and load your gun like the cowards you are, but I turned down an offer from a friend to help with bills and take a few weeks off and avoid the possibility of massive exposure.  Instead I am putting myself out there for the sake of my fellow essential workers and  grocery co-workers and customers in a move that will more than likely end me all for the sake of my own ridiculous need to self punish.

I know what you are thinking.  You wished I started writing during the start of this panic.  Why?  Like you don't know to stop buying TP?? Or that this is all Trump's fault? Or wash your hands or the like.  Yes. I had some funny takes on this and yes some of my family and friends have enjoyed me on Facebook yelling at people to stay home and get off my lawn.  But you know me better than that.  What we have has always transcended lazy stuff like that.

We have a real connection. The kind where we just look at each other and a million times more information passes than a word or two can convey.  YOU GET ME and I GET YOU and they will never take that away from us.

SO I write this in days that seem so unfamiliar to all the new folks who never got what we were doing and where we are living.  That's because you and I have lived this life forever.  We self isolate, we live in constant dread and fear.  We are slightly paranoid, but right. And we gave up hope years ago..we stopped thinking we were in control and we never much cared how the world turned out because we knew we weren't included in "their" plans anyway.

Now we all get to be outsiders.  Now we all understand how futile we are.  Now "we get it" we know that all of this is being taken for granted.

WE sit here and tell the rest of you to KEEP ordering your Taco Bell online, and everything is going to be OKAY!  But you and I have a special knowledge, don't you? (;

Hugs and Kisses

Romius T.

Back from the dead for a limited time.

Monetization and Google

I stopped writing a long time ago because I couldn't make it any money at it.  It's also time consuming and difficult.  The reason I can't make any money off this blog is because Google won't allow advertising on my site because it is not "family friendly."

Google is a little bitch company that spies on you like your worst nightmare from 1984 and knows more about you than your family and friends do, but God forbid you talk about necrophilia or make fun of Mexicans. Because if you do they won't allow you to monetize your content.  Even though they let Boeing and Coke who kill core people combined than just about anybody I know.

Certainly companies that pollute, kill, or engage in felonies would never be allowed to advertise on the YouTube platform or with Google services.  Ha.  I think we both know that idea is full of shit.  Google don't give a fuck about actual crimes against humanity.  They are just worried that a few worry warts or Christians will boycott one of the big companies that spend millions on advertising.

I don't have a problem with that.  I just think it's disingenuous to pretend to get up on your soap box or moral high ground and tell content producers what is moral and what is good when all you really concerned about is making money and appeasing advertisers.  Just come clean and tell it like it real is.

Look I'll do whatever it takes to get back some money on this hobby.  I'd even stop talking about necrophilia.  Which I personally don't think anyone should have an issue with.  The person is dead what do they care about anymore?  And I say that as long as the body is still warm...play ball.  Just be careful because rigorous fucking is likely to expel something more than gasses.  It's the price you pay for fun.

Maybe you guys remember the movie Kissed?*

Or maybe Google could just let me start a new account. I promise to behave Google.  No more dead people fucking!!! I promise!

*It's totally not ironic that you can watch a girl kiss dead people on their platform, but simply discussing a concept that's taboo will get you banned from adSense for eternity.  Not just on your current blog but ANY blog or YouTube channel you try,

Go ahead

Go ahead

I’m bored. It’s the kind of boredom I think we all get, coupled with the kind of boredom only sociopaths get. The kind of boredom that says nothing will ever satisfy me again. The kind of boredom that says nothing is interesting, and nothing ever will be.

When you come across that kind of boredom, your brain starts to panic. It starts to freak out a bit. It decides all the normal parameters are out. It takes out all of the superficial or the societal limits. Your brain goes crazy for a bit. It decides that only the craziest impulses, the darkest thoughts, and weirdest impulses are what count. Are what matter.

That’s where ideas like choking yourself to sleep, or cutting your balls off come from. You gotta be careful man. If you ignore the brain long enough, if you keep it from active and meaningful stimulation long enough, then the brain revolts.

It will create the stimulation it needs. And when the brain creates without limits, well… Then you can’t be upset with it. You are bringing this shit on yourself.

Leonard part 6

I went to Las Vegas last week by myself. Maybe it was two weeks ago, I have a hard time remembering stuff.

I took the Greyhound bus there. 8 hours from Arizona. Greyhound advertised free WiFi but the speeds were terrible. Check your email, but that's about it.

I went by myself because I don't have any friends anymore, and I don't like people. I mean I still want to have sex with human females, but that's about the extent to which I'd like to interact with folks.

Conveniently, the bus drops you off right next to the Plaza Hotel and Casino on Fremont Street in downtown Las Vegas. I love staying at the Plaza in particular and downtown in general.

Downtown retains at least some of the old time character of the old gamblers and dirty lifestyle that represents the true nature of Vegas. The strip is too sanitized with corporate feel good bullshit. Though in reality, either way you'll piss away your hard earned dollars in the casinos.

Hello friends

So weird that I don't write to you anymore, no? I yes , sorry. I am going to try this new thing where I just write short stuff to you. Nothing big. Nothing phenomenal. So today I had some pain in my biopsy place on my chest. I am not sure why. Maybe nothing, then again maybe something. I am not really looking forward to figuring that out. Instead I will just ignore it like I have ignored my health for the past year or two. I am still alive so hopefully I will continue to stay alive. Not that I give three shits of living. I still have nothing to love or to live for. . . I don't really care so much apathy...my keyboard won't let me break this into paragraphs without editing so I will do that much later perhaps...nothing interesting is going on...my mom sent me 140 dollars for my birthday that was nice...not sure what I'll buy....maybe a smartwatch...Donald Trump is still president elect? Correct? This can't be so....oh well you bastards really deserve him. Not Cameroon . I feel like the people of Cameroon have done nothing to deserve this, but who knows....maybe y'all are big dicks down there.

Oh shit. I'm pissed . I got the damn text to paragraph. Oh well. Love you guys. Talk to you later? Maybe I start podcast. I missed doing that , but I don't have anything to say. Not anymore.

Ok folks I got a Bluetooth keyboard

I think I am going to start posting a lot more content since I have a Bluetooth keyboard to type on my nexus 9. I So much easier than typing on my computer, plus I get the swiftkey predictions, so I might even type faster than before. I I'm kinda excited so we'll see if it makes a difference .

Welcome back

I bet you guys missed me,  I am gonna say I miss you too.  I'm just keeping it real.  I feel like I need to get back to blogging a bit.  I have had a few good ideas and some nice turn of phrases and you guys have missed out all because I have been to lazy to write them down for you.

But I'm back baby!!

How am I doing?  Well things could be worse for sure.  I have no idea how my health is as I have been avoiding the doctors.  Had a little run of bad luck and costs got out of control. lost a doctor over it.  But I finally went and got another doctor.  I'm back on my blood thinning meds which is good as I am at risk for a stroke without them.

Going to have blood drawn this week so we'll see what's going on there.  I feel okay.  At least I feel good enough to power through the day.  Lots of weird aches and pains which could be just anxiety.  Or my heart.  Don't feel good enough to run or play basketball.  Running stairs is still a problem.  I just have never recovered my strength.  It's a bit disheartening but hopefully that doesn't signal something worse.

Today I smoked a little weed.  Last night I went to a casino with a couple of friends.  My debit card wouldn't work there for some reason.  A blessing I am sure. Otherwise I would have lost money most likely.

Currently just jamming to some UFO.  Saw them in concert a few weeks back. Which was awesome.

I'm in a good mood today which is rare for me so I am just taking advantage of that fact.  Chewing some bubble gum.  Drinking soda.  Pepsi with real sugar.  I purchased one of those PUR water filters.  They totally suck. Don't buy them.

Been rooting and modding my Oppo Find 7a.  Been breaking it and fixing it.  Currently running Color OS 2.1.5 which is the last and final upgrade from OPPO.

Feeling a bit social but all my friends are hiding on social platforms. No one is responding to my texts but Subway who keeps reminding me that they are offering subs for 5 dollars.  They fucking text me all the time.  They even ask if I am getting their texts.  Send me reminders and shit.  At least someone cares and I all I have to do is buy a few sandwiches a month and they are happy as fuck with me.

In a future post I am going to cover the SIX PILLARS of LIFE you should be living.  As part of the Self Help Guide (TM).

Well Folks We'll chat again soon.

Cuddles,

Romius T.

Anxiety is like a sinkhole, you never know when you are standing on quicksand

We are all alone. But somehow this knowledge leads us to a belief that we are unique or special.

When instead we should consider the more dreary likelihood that are not clever, nor special.

We are tumbleweeds. We drag our scythe across the mythic culture of our minds. We plant the soil with seeds of our sinister being.

The brains tiny folds and twists found in the forebrain, the reason we can be human, are in fact also thought to be ditches, irrigating the hatred of 3 billion years of evolution on to consciousness itself.

The screams of our forebears will outlive us all.

The cancer can't return if it never left

I don't know about you, but I am damn confident that the cancer has returned.  I am having trouble breathing again.  But this time I really don't care.  I think this blog should just be thought of as a really long suicide note.  I'll keep writing and one day after I am dead you will come along and read it.

One day you are going to miss me and the next best thing to me being there is reading my blog.  

So this will be all you have, and you'll probably read too much into the stuff I was kidding about and not enough into the stuff I really meant to say and care about, but shit man, that's just you!  That's why you let me die/ that's why you never really cared about me.

Are you lonely. Too bad. I don't want my words to comfort you.  You really don't deserve anything nice to happen for you because in the end you let me down,  Just like society, just like me parents. Just like every woman who spread her legs for me.  You all suck and you never cared about me.

That's okay I guess.  I care enough about myself for the two of us.  For the three of us really.  It's just self preservation mechanism so don't judge me too harshly. When you are unlovable and weird you have to love yourself.

I am not sure when I got so unlovable, but I know that it's no coincidence that I stopped carrying about the world as soon as it stopped carrying about me.

I have to get a new doctor as I am 1,000 dollars behind in payments.  He won't give me an appointment until I give him money.   Some strange sensations are in my chest.  Feels like they are caving in.  I am sure that is serious.  But I have an appointment with my cancer doc in Sept..  Hopefully I live until then.

I am thirsty.  I need a beer. If you'll wait I get a few and then maybe huff some PLEDGE and we can get the party started.

Is it pure cowardice to just let yourself die?

I think so.  But then again, I have always been a coward so I don't see the reason things should change.  I never got my radiation done.  I have no idea if I am cured.  Everyone around me acts like I am cured just because I gained 76 pounds of fat recently.

Yes. I am fat.  You can be fat and have cancer.  You can be nice, you can be an asshole.  Nothing seems to matter as to who gets it.  Just random chance.  I think my gall bladder is fucked though.  I will need a new one.  Or maybe they just remove the whole thing.  I don't care anymore.

I think I used to be funny.  But I don't think I am funny anymore.  I don't know what happened.  But I am really not funny anymore.  It really sucks, because I thought I could always hang my hat on that,  But I bore the shit out of myself now.  I hear my flat 'try too hard' comments and I'm like..."Who the fuck are you?  Please shut the fuck up.  You are like SO not funny now."

What else do I have though guys?

Have you seem my fat face?  It's kinda sad.  I am old and no one loves me anymore.  

OLD people depress me because I am a victim of the society that I live in.  I want eternal youth.  I just want to be able to play a game of pick up basketball again.  But my decapitated toe and my lungs just say fuck you.  I give in too easily to the depression and give in to the momentum of  my life which is mostly not leaving the house.  Mostly it's just me sitting here alone typing on screens and typing into social networks and drinking beer and cola and smoking pot that makes me a bit wired and crazy and forgetful.  I am losing my keys tomorrow for sure. But masturbating to weed is nice and way better than sex with girls though i am thinking that sex with girls is something I miss.

Women are turning against me because I am loser.  The good women I mean.  I can't blame them.

There is a trashy skank at work who might fuck me.  Let's just hope I get her pregnant,  I need to start a family with all my sickness, all the nothingness that eats at my heart, all the cancer that stops and starts and spreads before me.  Let it eat away at me.  Let me wither on the vine like Social Security during a Republican's administration.

Donald Trump is my hero.

I said it and 

i wont take it back

grizzly mom bear 

protector

TRUMP CASTLe

Rescue me. 

How to be A Kool Kid

Start with a pitcher of blue Kool Aid mixed with meth. It will taste bad. Have you ever accidentally tasted comet® while cleaning your bathroom? A splash of shit, powder chemical, and chlorinated water splashes your tongue.

Imagine your drink tasted like that except you have poured a whole bottle of comet® into a pitcher. It tastes bitter, your taste buds will explode with dissent.

This is how we contemplate life. A pitcher of blue shit shatters on the bathroom floor. The jagged edges stab your wrists and forearms. Blood flows towards the toilet, towards the shower, towards the drain.

Here. In this misery, I feel your pain. I feel your uncoiled tentacles grip. Release me. Grip.

You can stir comet® all day and the shit never dissolves. You can stir Meth all day long and the shit never dissolves. You can wipe your shit on the toilet. You can smear blood along the rim.

You already know everything. Why do people search for the truth? Truth is easy to find. It's with us all along. It's the gut feeling we've always had. We aren't stopping anytime soon. We will always need bath salts, meth, beer and weed. We will always tell ourselves we'll stop. And we will never stop.

The brain pops like microwaved eggs on a plate Sunnyside up. The brain regrets and acts like it has nothing to do with you. Serotonin receptors ping pong a tell-all to any doctor worth his salt.

The bags below your eyes swell with fluid. Stings of pain run along your backside like tiny scorpions. You pop in and out of existing. Your brain works backward like a camera obscura. Sentences stay stuck in dark recesses. Words are forgotten.

The Kool°AID man stares through the wall. Shards of glass jump to the death from your hands. Cascades of sliver. Cascades of ice. One more puff. One more snort.

An ass crack runs down the wall. An ass crack runs against the floor. A blood, shit mess. This world. This world is a blood stained, shit, mess.