Day 2 starts with a bang.
HAHA not really.
I woke a little later than normal. My alarm actually went off. I reached over and and dismissed the Pixel 2 and it's pop up alarm. I then sat in bed for around 2 hours. Mostly watching porn with the occasional e-mail check.
It took a few hours for me to remember that I hadn't had a soda. Eventually I grab a coke and my first meal. It consisted of the remainder of last night's meal. Tacos of the shredded beef variety including homemade shells. It was quite good. And a real change from the ground beef tacos that I have been consuming regularly for months now. Next, I will make some beans.
8:14 Eastern Standard
Beans are on the stove and cooking. Should be a few hours to be good. They go well with the Cheese Enchiladas I plan on having the roommate make.
Today's movie watch? The Man Who Fell to Earth. It stars David Bowie and is a weird and sex filled Sci-Fi cult movie. I remember watching the movie when I was on summer break in the 8th grade. I was visiting my cousin Ryan. I thought Ryan was the epitome of cool. He played games like Axis & Allies. He visited France and came back with a case of culture shock. I had never heard of Culture Shock before and certainly would have never been exposed to a person who could have suffered from such a thing.
The only thing I knew about culture at that point was Omni Magazine and Space 1999 toys. My cousin let me listen to his walkman and I heard music in stereo and high definition for the first time. My cousin talked to me about his experience watching Flashdance. It was a cultural powerhouse at the time and was moving the needle in communities where are you had on television was the Trinity Broadcasting network. Trinity was a group of scam artists who fancied themselves heroes of the christian televangelism kind. My cousin introduced me to David Letterman, so I spent the rest of the Summer trying to stay up to midnight so I could watch something that was probably over my head, but I still understood that I was watching something that hadn't been done before. This wasn't comedy for MeMaw or my parents. This was comedy for Kool Kids like my cousin and maybe me. As long as I stopped waving goodbye to the Ryan's friends when we left their place from playing A&A.
Ryan was a pretty short for a guy maybe that's why he drove the MG Midget. A small guy in a small car might not be the best decision, but then again what did I know? I certainly didn't know how to work on a car like him. I thought that was pretty cool, because Ryan was certainly the smartest guy I knew. He was an intellectual in my mind. He read books and no one made fun of him for doing it. He argued with adults about politics, something I had no idea about and never even thought permissible.
I had one 'real' discussion with one of my stepmothers and my dad when I came out as atheist and communist. They warned me that I was, " ripe pickings for a cult." I reminded them that no one has ever wanted me (including them) and they remembered how true that was and stopped worrying that I would get brainwashed because no one likes a loser with self esteem problems.
You know never getting brainwashed in retrospect might have been a bad thing. A scientific world view doesn't provide anything like being truly certain and correct with the TRUTH. And I think life is probably easier and less anxious being certain. Never doubting oneself or one's beliefs. I could have stuck to WWE wrestling and mindless Christianity and how great Texas and aMErica was and lived in that bubble with little worry. Maybe even being accepted by society. Have a few kids and a middle aged wife. Teach bowling and the scouts.
Instead I doubt all my beliefs, I can't believe anything for sure. In the end Reason turns back on itself and destroys the very foundations it provides to as a method for overcoming certainty. The method is doubt. And while doubt is the perfect method to get towards conditional, truth I have no doubt that living with doubt is the least human way to live.
No comments:
Post a Comment