Monday, September 07, 2009

Post number 666 is Happy Labor Day

I don't want to sound like the depressed post-middle aged menopausal hypochondriac that is my audience, but...I think I am going to let the MRSA "go ahead" and kick in. The Mayo clinic says that MRSA is only fatal "sometimes."

I've adjusted to the microbial infection fairly well, other than I took another forest green shit today. It was smelly. Also, the shit had a lot of nuttiness to it. I was eating a lot of sunflower seeds last night.


Labor day is one of my 2 religious holidays, but since I am such a fuck up I forgot to request the day off. I worked on my other religious holiday, May Day, and I compounded that error by forgetting to request off the Sunday of the opening weekend for the NFL.

You may already know how much of a fuck up I am, but did you also know how lazy I am?

It's 2 pm and I woke up less than an hour ago, so instead of getting some lengthy diatribe about how Labor Day is the ruling class' attempt to get you to make you forget about May Day (and the sacrifices of the workers before you) and instead get you to gorge yourself on 57 cent hot dogs and beer until you puke or punch your pregnant teen daughter for getting "knocked up" before school starts, all you get is my vague hint that I may have contracted something hideous because the last 8 months of pouring antibiotics and hydrogen peroxide on my infected ingrown toe nail has left me with a nail a 1/3 the size it should be surrounded by the smelly soft tissue from a Gila Monster's puncture wound.

But let's all be thankful for Capitalism!

At least some of us have jobs. Even if those jobs require you to work on holidays with no extra pay.

I love my job and I love even more knowing that if I don't like my job I could always get another, nevermind the 10% of the workforce that can't get a job or the 10% of the workforce that is underemployed.

Today is not a day for complaining.

It is a day for celebrating what a great country we live in. That's why all the music at my grocery store has been patriotic this week. And that is why I keep getting strange looks from customers every time I mention to them that Labor Day is not a patriotic holiday, but in fact is a holiday of worker rebellion which is the exact opposite of the patriotic pro-business bullshit you will get on TV today.

What you can do to make up for all this.

The best thing you could do is stay home and not give your money to any company that disrespects its workforce enough to compel them to work on a worker holiday. Maybe you should spend your time protesting that stores since they give Labor day off to executives and office staff, but not the front line workers.

The next best thing you could do is get so high and drunk and full from BBQ that you forget to leave the house. That would be awesome. It would mean I won't have to work hard and it will pay homage to the brave workers that gave their lives in protest so that you could get paid overtime for working more than 8 hours.

But you won't do that.

So instead BE prepared to listen to me wine like a bitch while I ring up your sour cream/enchilada Lay's Potato chips.

And could you please try to put on a clean undershirt? It's a fucking holiday!


Beloved Parrot said...

For god's sake, either go to a doctor or your health department or the emergency room. If you've read any nurse- or ems-related blogs you'll see that everyone without insurance goes there -- and most of the nurses and doctors are thrilled to see people with actual problems rather than the neverending line of drug seekers.



Suzy Creemcheese said...

I agree. You need help right now, sailor.

Stephanie said...

If you choose not to go to a doctor at least stop putting peroxide and wet antibiotic cream on it. You're inhibiting healing. You need to lose the rest of the toenail and you need to let it dry out. It sounds like you have a fungal infection under the nail.

Steph said...

I just got back from buying skim milk and shampoo and would like to recall my sympathy. You may redeem it at a later date.

Romius T. said...

I really feel like I deserve some sympathy. Just because I STOPPED using peroxide does not mean that I did not use it. And further, the description of my toe still stands. If you were to see it you would gross out.

So yeah before it needs to be cut off I will seek out some medical care or something. I mean I hope all I do is lose the toe and not the leg, or die from some MRSA related heart attack.

If I do I want SO much sympathy and you have my permission to use my story as a way to expand health care to the USA.