The glass is not half full. The glass is not half empty. It’s somewhere in between.

*Updated with link to transcript!*

I'm one of those people who falls for the moderately attractive women you see working out at the gym or (more likely) shopping for tulips in her workout clothes at Whole Foods.

You know her. She is the kind of woman who dresses ok. She is also the kind of woman who showers daily, and knows how to paint her face all pretty.

I have a friend who does not understand this about me.

My friend is a racist against white people and he is always going off on how women like Jennifer Aniston aren't all that hot and how all they really are "is
kind of average."

I guess what he is "spouting off against" is the hegemony we white people have over determining attractiveness in this world. I guess he has a right to be angered about it, and I am sure the rest of you brown people have a point: "not all white people are hot" so maybe we should not be the standard for beauty.

But that's the way it is here in the USA; moreover, I can't help being white so I can't help thinking Jennifer Aniston is hot. My whiteness goes so far as to think Ashley Simpson is a fox, and I beat off once a week to the thing that is the face that is Miley Cyrus. But when we are talking about half way decent looking celebrities like Ashley Simpson (post surgery of course) you can forgive a guy for getting all in a tizzy.

What may be a little more difficult for you to understand is why I could get all hard for a chick like Spencer Pratt's sister, (pictured above) or the girl in the pony tail at the mall standing behind me in line at the pizza palace with "pink" plastered all over her ass.

"Those kinds of chicks are everywhere." My friend would say.

And that's a legitimate response.

But just because they are everywhere doesn't mean that they aren't mildly attractive, thin, with spunky pony tails.

What can I say? I am weak. I want a good looking women and my idea of what a really good looking woman should be is "like Grace Kelly was," but I will take the "not as hot Mom" or the "college co-ed right before she gets all fat from having kids" as the substitute.

Those types are obvious of course.

I also get off when I spot a chick that has had a few kids but managed to stay tight. Or the kind that realizes that if she "was to ever have kids" she would turn into her mother so she adopts some radical liberal theology and hangs out with her hipster anarchist boyfriend and gets a few tats (just to show you she is down and has completely rejected the idea of motherhood.)

She delicately pairs soft blue cashmere sweaters over ironic t-shirts that show too much belly for her age. But she still has a flat tummy and smooth porcelain skin.

That kind of chick is the kind of girl who would get all excited when I bring up something I saw last night on the McLaughlin Group as I check out her groceries. You can read the transcript of the show here. Just scroll down to the section called "The Gospel According to Marx."

"You see they had this egg head asshat from some rightwing think tank pontificating about Karl Marx. He said something about how the United States has always had the premier capitalist economy (while discussing Marx.)

"MR. LOWRY: America was always a scandal to the Marxists, John, because the theory was, as capitalism became more and more advanced -- and America always had the most advanced form of capitalism -- you're supposed to have this dispossessed proletariat created, and they would revolt."

Of course that is the seriously most retarded thing I have ever heard as WE ALL KNOW that during the time Marx was developing his views on Capital he was living in the most advanced industrial nation on Earth, ENGLAND, not America.

Then the rest of the bullshit crew joined in and opined about the obsolescence of Marx during the worst economic crises Capitalism has faced since the Great Depression.

Then the talking heads talked some more and reassured their sheltered audience (consisting mostly of other talking heads and such) that Marxism as a philosophical system was a complete failure and was not gaining ground anywhere.

Needless to say I wanted to point out the growing power of the leftist movements in Latin America, and the stunning success of the Communist Party in Japan countering the counter examples the Libertarian idiot used like India (even though India has a major communist party -that I guess deserves none of the credit for the burgeoning economic development, but will be showered with blame for any failure.)

Hi! My name is Eleanor Clift and, "I don't even know what the liberal position is on that…"

Not to mention these over paid hacks dismissed the great depression as part of the bust/boom cycle of capitalism

"Look, capitalism -- we've gone through these booms and busts. We had the Great Depression. We've had epic recessions, like in the late 1970s, early 1980s. We're in this right now. We survive. We recover. Sometimes it takes longer than at other points. But we always come back."

Which is basically like telling all the unemployed out there "to shut the fuck up and enjoy the recession."

I mean this chick will eat that shit up.

But she is still going to want to date the guy she is with just because he is like 6 foot 2 and scraggily (though in a good way?) and he's a total anarchist and I am just an old fossil defending a relic of a theory.

Either way I have not discussed what I had planned on discussing. Which is the cup half-full/ cup half-empty analogy and my take on it.

But I am going to have to save that for another time.

p.s. check back for updates on this post as whenever the transcript/video for the aforementioned show appears I will post with additional commentary.

I know you can't wait for that!