Saturday, July 19, 2008

You can't blog about nothing, or can you?

I am fucking up the linear nature of this blog by posting over old drafts. I don't care. I know none of you do either.

Another day off. I did nothing. If by nothing you mean I went to the bank to turn in my change so I could have enough money to cut my hair and get lunch at the whataburger. I then took the rest of my cash and splurged by eating dinner at some new Hawaiian Grill that opened down the street in a strip mall. Nothing says delicious like Hawaiian grilled breakfast skirt steak in Arizona. MMMmm.

It was tasty, shut up.

Today I have no celebrity news. I have no desire to write fat girl jokes or insinuate how much you masturbate. And since I did not got to work today that pretty much exhausts this blogs descriptive possibilities. For some reason I still felt the need to check in to day with you. (Today for me is the 22nd.)

I noticed the Drunken Stepfather found a video on youtube (nsfw) where a girl shakes her ass. I know that is not news as 45% of youtube is made up of women shaking their asses. But this time the woman was naked and doing a booty dance around her kid. I am sure that sounds like a crime. The kid is like a 3 or 4 and toddlers that age are miniature tornadoes. He is shirtless and running around like he is on the plains of Idaho or Kansas looking for Dorthy.

I can't get over how a mother would do that. She does a booty shake. She shows off her obscenely oblong tits. I have seen smaller utters on cows. The child makes a break for the camera. Webcam Mom stops the child from throwing around the camera much like a reformed Britney Spears paying just enough attention to notice that her kid loves cigarettes as much as she does.

It looks like I went ahead and gave you some celebrity news after all. I can't help myself, even knowing that Jesus Martinez gave you all this shit first. I still feel like I gave my own interpretation and spin on it.

I also sent a myspace message over to my new friend Eric Schaeffer. I told him my about my trouble with watching one of his videos over at NetFlix. I don't fuck around with these kind of things, I go straight to the top. I forgot to mention to him how I don't fuck around and go straight to celebrites when I need help solving my problems, because as we all know celebrity is the only way things get done in this country. I still hope he sends me a video from his collection so I can at least see the movie.

I had to e-mail a celebrity because Netflix sent me three copies of Gunshy and not one of them worked. I was supposed to save them and call back customer service at Netflix and they were going to look into the batch and what not, but I just gave up on the whole thing, because I am slacker loser like that, and the only thrill I get anymore is giving up on shit and while that "thrill" is really just the half-life feeling of hope dying at least that shocks me into remembering that whatever life I have left is being spent up by watching myself drown in a pool of resentment and pathetic ironic detachment better left for douche bags and hipster trash that love insulting the faux earnestness of teen angst bullshit. (see the video dipshits that's why it is included below.)

The other day after watching the Batman movie (and convincing a workmate that I enjoy wrapping my girlfriends in duct tape and garbage bags, locking them in closets for a few hours and then pouring ketchup on them in order to simulate blood because I have a strange fetish and some girls are really accommodating) I had my own idea for a comic book hero. I'd like to create a hero that really isn't a hero. I don't want him to have any super powers, but somehow he really saves people. Mostly by accident or by letting bad things happen to good people. Maybe part of him likes to hurt people. You won't be able to decide whether he is good or bad. Just that good things sometimes happen around him. He won't want to be a superhero. Unless you count him hoping this is going to get him laid or something. (Which it won't.)

I don't want the kind of anti-heroes we always see. The kind who eventually learn or the kind who deep down you know is really trying to be good. (batman) I don't want to root for the bad guy (sopranos) . I want to make it so that maybe you decide you don't want to root for the guy, but that maybe you have to. (Christian Bale?)

I ended the night by watching the movie the Bank Job. It was like the worst movie ever so don't go renting it. If you do go renting it you can't say did not warn you because I did, and yes I am the kind of guy who says I told you so as I already have told ya in advance because I know you are the kind of person who has to "see for themselves," but where did that ever get you? Instead may I suggest you get showtime and watch Eric Schaeffer's new tv reality series. It is seriously the best thing on TV right now as Mad Men does not air until the 24th of July I believe. I would Google that, but then you would have nothing to look forward to tonight but masturbating on a webcam in front of your children.

1 comment:

new stalker said...

Yay for good parenting