Damn, that fucking smells.
Of course it does, you can't go jamming your finger in your butt for an hour and not expect it to smell can you?
I guess not. He thought. Then he typed:
Ecstasy is the best thing in the world. The best thing you have never tried. The best thing THERE is to try. But you straights won't ever know how great it is, because you are too scared and chickenshit to try it.
It doesn't matter that ecstasy will leave your kidneys bad. It doesn't matter that your vision goes blurry. It won't matter that you won't be able to concentrate anymore.
Who the fuck thought you were going to get past Hegel's Phenomenology of Mind and into his Critique of the Right anyways? Politics is smallitics nowadays. Anyway we've got Rachael Madow to instruct us in that game now. Who needs 19th century white men?
I don't! Fuck man, it's the friggin' 21st century. I trust only non bald lesbians. Not fancy androgynous computer assisted voices. And if a non-bald lesbo wants to insist that white men shouldn't go around armed and ready to kill whenever the neighborhood watch tells 'em it's okay, then shit that's the end of history man. Fukishama style, only with less atomic energy and more misplaced acquiescence to the status quo of capitalist relations.
There is no struggle, but the class struggle.
Beer. I fucking love it. I am going to do this thing where all I drink is beer, from now on. Going to kick that soda habit. Fucking soda is makin' me fat. The fatter I git, the less sleazy twenty one year olds want to sleep with me. Like all they want is to cash their chips in and get married. Like sleeping with some old fat man will reduce their trade in value.
One thing you young ladies need to understand is that as soon as you step foot off the lot you lose half your value. 15 and virgin? I'd pay 16 dollars and two bottles of Hard Mike's Lemmonade to rape your ass.
But in your twenties? A beer drinking hussy like you, probably on birth control, probably not listening to Daddy Rush. Probably banging dudes in your dorm room left and right. Shit man, might as well bang me. Fuck, some chicks like to slum it like that. Totally get's em off that I sweat climbing up stairs. Totally makes em wet. Daddy issues I guess.
Maybe.
Maybe they just like being mistreated. Who the fuck am I to tell you no to that? Like we've figured out mankind. Like we've figured out culture and shit. We have NOT, no way, sir!!!
Look at the MTV show. The one about the guy with no underpants. I want to like that show. But I can't. Everybody is too damn clever, and good looking. Everybody has perfect days. Everybody gets laid.
That's what's wrong with kids these days. God damn kids have been getting satisfactory trophies for just showing up for so long, they can't take a shit by themselves without some kind of award show afterwards that says like, " And for best green shit, it's little Maggie. Way to go Maggie. Way to take that green shit! We are all so fucking proud of ya!"
I used to think that writers who told stories about Millennials being super needy was lazy. I mean you read stories every couple of years in Time or News Max Magazine that tell you how frustrated bosses are at the young people today and you just kind of blow it off. They can't really be that bad.
That is until one day when I worked with one of these kids. And for Pete sake. The kid needed a Trophy every time she sharpened her pencil. She ended up quitting before I could fire her.
This whole world has gone to shit. Which reminds me to take my finger out of my ass.
We probably shouldn't mention that.
I won't.
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