I tried telling her how it wasn't my fault, how nothing good ever happens to me, and how I'm just keeping it real and writing the things I know. But she was like I don't care about that, just make something up. And wouldn't you know I would be writing this on the bus on the way to work when a homeless women sits right next to me.
Great! I'm thinking another stinky homeless. But she starts tugging at my manhood. I look over at her and she smiles a toothless grin. Then she hands me a blue viagra pill. "I think you're going to need this." She tells me. And I start thinking, and maybe this is my lucky day.
Good things were just ahead, I got a phone call right before work telling me I didn't have to come to work, but I'd still get paid for my all my trouble. I then walked past a gaggle of teenagers, the kind that would intimidate a lesser man even with a few more inches.
The girls were combing each other's hair and discussing trade secrets about how to get their jeans so tight.
"Jenny, if you use super glue you can get your jeans even tighter!"
"Ahah! So, that's how they do it." I thought and turned around to go home and walked past a couple of Japanese twins. One was close to giving birth. Between lamaze breathing she asked if I needed a ride. She winked and I climbed in. Both girls were wearing catholic school girl uniforms. The pregnant one hiked her skirt up and asked me, if I saw any crowning?
"Nope." Came my reply.
"Then I think we have time." She says.
Her sister had a hard time steering the car into the intersection because she was busy getting me hard.
"Viagra is a hell of a drug!" I told the two Chinese girls who both agreed.
By the time we got home I had popped twice on tiny Asian nipples. "We've got to get to St. Lukes!" They screamed at me as they drove off, big poppa jamming from the lowered windows of the 1987 Mustang convertible.
As soon as I was inside I got another phone call. My little brother had quit meth for good. He'd taken part in some secret CIA fluoridation project in Austin, TX and was clean and sober. He said he was on the way to see me because my middle brother had just won the Mexicana lottery while on a job down south working in a catina offering donkey shows.
"Fuck ya!" I told the mouthpiece which later informed me that Google was releasing a beta version of jelly bean the company's phone software on a brand new Motorola created Nexus phone and they, "totally wanted my input."
What a great day!