I roll with a giant plastic tarp attached to my truck that I lie out before you, all the while forcing down your throat the puked out residue of my intestines, all because I get sick of reading the same banal shit about how you enjoy "doing the things that are awesome," but hate "doing things that suck."
Other things that make me want to decapitate you? When you talk about how you are interested in being challenged, and how you need a man with goals. I don't have any goals. I think goals are stupid. What happens if you get all your goals before you are dead? Do you just sit there for the rest of your life wishing you had sucked at the lower levels of life more?
Life is not a video game. You are not a character from Mario Bros. You don't have to collect all the red dots before you die.
If I have to read one more personal ad about how you want a man to help you to "grow" I will be forced to grind your decapitated head into hamburger meat and feed you to your orphaned children.
Grow what? The only thing I have noticed growing on you is your ass. And now it has gotten way too big for either of us to know what to do about it.
The only thing I can think of for you is to for you to continue your junior college study of Oprah on the Lifetime Network and for me to start dating your teenage daughter. At least she puts out on the first date.
An Exasperated Man.