Saturday, January 23, 2010

More at the end of the road

I was telling my friend Leif (you call him Lester) that:

"I liked everything about the movie The Road except for the ending."

A new pair of tits is slinging beer from behind the bar. The new tits are wrapped in a wife beater t-shirt. New tits has tats up and down her shoulders. New tits hair is crew cut short and slicked back.

"But I liked the movie." I say.

"The movie is one of those post-apocalyptic Sci-Fi movies about a boy and his father. Only this movie gets a lot of it right."

"I mean the movie is completely fucking depressing."

New Tits pours me a beer. She slides the beer over to me. She gives me a wink. New tits checks me out in that I am not being discreet I am checking you out but you aren't supposed to see me checking you out way. 

But only I know she is not really checking me out she is only pretending to check me out because she has sized me up already. She has figured out how I like attention from women. Because she is a fucking genius, New Tits is.

She has this idea that being friendly, but not too friendly, is going to earn her some tips tonight. And since there are only 5 or six other people in the bar and most of them appear to be asleep or dead she might as well hang out near me and Leif.

"Bad things are happening in this movie. Really bad things." 
I say.

I am talking really loudly. I am talking loud enough for the whole bar to hear me. I am being dramatic. I am using body language. I am using all kinds of vocal intonations and arm gesticulations to get my point across.

"People are dying. Everyone is hungry. There are cannibals everywhere."

I throw my hands up.

"People are committing suicide."

People would rather kill themselves than live in this movie and that makes a lot of sense to me.

"In the movie things are always getting worse. Every time something bad happens and the father and son escape to a new situation, the next situation is even worse than the old one."

I can see the bar is not convinced.

"At one point the father/son team escape from a group of cannibals and finds a cabin. You think to yourself. Nice, a cabin! Maybe they will be safe for a second." I pause for dramatic effect.

"But not for a second." I deadpan.

"The cabin is home to a bunch of cannibals who plan on feeding off a bunch of people they have locked in a cellar."

I look over at Leif who looks like he wants to throw up.

"Jesus." New Tits says in disgust.

"Some of the captives have had their arms or their legs amputated and eaten." I tell New Tits.

"Christ." New Tits finishes.

"The best part of the movie is how there is no hope. Things are only getting worse. No matter how much people try, no matter how noble their efforts at survival are, they just can't catch a break."

Leif interrupts me.  "If you plan on killing yourself…I want you to tell me first."

I laugh at him, "Okay, man. I promise."

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