Saturday, January 19, 2008

This post is for the KIDS.

She hugs me from the front. If I suggest that a couple of king sized pillows get in our way is that too subtle? Then L. rests her head on my shoulder. How sweet is she?

I get to describe this hug. But the description has to be edgy. Otherwise L. says she isn't going to read my blog anymore. I tell L. that my blog isn't "edgy" anymore because she has forbidden me to blog about the hugs she gives me at work. I ask L if we can post pics of her on my blog. I figure a pic of her hugging me will prove to all of you out there that I am not gay, or a pedophile. Or at least not gay. But she rebukes me, sighting "possible stalkers" as the reason she won't be featured on the blog. I tell her if we charge guys $1.00 to get a cyber hug from her, she could make enough money to stop asking me for quarters everyday. No dice again.

Now that I'm allowed to blog about the hugs that L. gives me again, I still have to worry that my stepsister will read my blog, now that I looked her up on myspace. I am pretty sure she's gonna have a cow over how I depicted our childhood.

Even if sis never finds the blog, I can't imagine she reads, I still have to worry what Card Sharks's g/f thinks of me. At the Five and Diner I mention that I went to the see a movie on my day off yesterday. He asks which one. I tell him Juno. He vomits ketchup across the table at me. "You really like teen girls, don't you? That's not just an act." He can barely control the laughter. I calmly reply that the movie has made like 65 million dollars, so I am hardly the only person to see the film and that it has gotten rave reviews. "Plus" I add. "It's not like I watch Nickelodeon or TIVO Zoey 101 or something creepy like that. "You watch Hannah Montana." Counters Card Shark "I don't watch entire episodes of Hannah, I just flick it on to see if she is wearing a short skirt."

To my knowlede Miley Cryus has never been accused of molesting strangers.

[An aside}

L. hates Juno and thought it was over-hyped. I agree that it was much too hyped but I still thought it was a good movie. But you can totally tell the female character was written by a dude. A 16 year old girl who loves punk music and knows more about old horror/slasher films that the prospective 36 father is completely ludicrous. Not to mention that Jason Bateman as the adopt a dad turns in a fine performance as the ass grabbing, not-quite-sure-I-am-ready-to-be- a-dad, 30 something that all men my age truly are.

It turns out though that I may have been a bit to tough on the writers of Juno. The drudge report is highlighting the case of a 13 year old girl who was arrested for sexually assaulting a couple of boys on her bus route.

There is not much to the story as one of the 311 commenters on the web points out "My problem with this whole incident, IS, what in the world, ever possessed the Reporter, and then the Editor, of this RAG. to print this story, in the first place. There are FEW FACTS, no names, little Information, and not likely to get more, in the future."

Judging by the fact that this story with no facts, pictures or information can spark 311 comments, it's no wonder that Drudge has it blasted on his front page. Kudos to the girl for her induction into the Jail Bait hall of Fame.

And from Gawker, another Hall of Fame candidate ... Creepy Celebrity stalker website narrates

HS: Taylor Momsen, aka Jenny from (cult show) Gossip Girl, wearing a very short skirt... I noticed her because she kept crossing and uncrossing her legs, showing her underwear to all... on the 1 train, heading uptown. Got off at Lincoln Center, looked lost."

I think this guy is full of shit. First off I don't see any underwear, and I have photoshop technology. And sometimes I think girls just cross their legs because of poor circulation. Poor girl probably has juvenile diabetes. I'm sure her doctors have warned her that wearing underwear causes loss of circulation, and not crossing her legs in public will mean amputation of those legs and toes for sure. Which would seriously lower her hottness factor by a shade or two. Excepting for certain really perverted fetish sites.


Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Every time I get excited thinking about Hannah Montanna doing the nasty with me, I think of who her father is and then I lose any boner I may have conjured. Achy Breaky heart my ass.

Romius T. said...

i like thinking about you thinking about hannah and getting a boner...

lesley said...

a couple of king sized pillows?