Absence makes the heart grow dickish

A Recap of my Thanksgiving

I spent Thanksgiving alone.  I did not eat turkey.  I drank 15 beers.

Then I decided to go to a bar around 9:45.  Got told it was closing at 10.  There was one woman left. She went home with a man 20 years older than me. 

The next day I pooped blood.

So you know that guy that killed his girlfriend by shooting her a few times, the guy that played for the Kansas City Chiefs?  I think I know why that guy shot her.

It's basically like this:  Once you have sex with a really hot chick, 

YOU
WIN.

Nothing really left in life.  You've accomplished everything you ever needed to do.  So shoot her, kill yourself.  Tell your friends how helpful they were in getting you to the point that you could fuck hot chicks.

Let the baby live, because evolution is STRONG.

Miss me?