Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Your grocery store wants to hire me

Can someone explain to me why I can't get a normal job interview? I walked into your local grocery store for the interview the other day, after spending about 2 hours geekilly filling out an application on one of those ubiquitous employment kiosks so many businesses are going to.

I knew right away I would get a job offer. My female interviewer asked me to shut the door behind me when I walked in. I think that's when she turned on the sex music. Maybe the sex music was already playing.

As with most interviews I've done recently I was bombarded with inappropriate information from a prospective employer.

  • Most applicants who want a job paying Wal*mart wages are unable to read
  • the job interviewer's mother is a "functional" alcoholic for the last 35 years
  • If hired I will replace the girl at the front desk "who can't calm down."
  • the interviewer is single
  • the interviewer has an ex-husband who left her, but he worked for the company, so when he left, she thought she'd get job there too (can we say stalker?)
  • she "really likes me" she doesn't want to lie about that
  • I had to submit to some kind of DNA oral drug test- now the FBI knows everything about me


Evil Spock said...

So did you get the job and the girl?

Jezebelsriot said...

Stop using big words. It distracts me.

Romius T. said...

no mo' big words! I swaear shorty!

Fredrick Schwartz said...

If the MILF that interviewed you works in your store your only mission that remains is to tear that ass up. Period. That crazy divorced chick will be the wildest ass you will have in your life and will be continued fodder for what's so fucked up about people in Amurricah these days.

Take the fucking red pill romius t swallow it dry and laissez le bon temps roulet. We expect a full report young man.

Romius T. said...

She is so not a milf,,,