Friday, September 21, 2007

May I Help You?


I already dread asking you that. I don't want to help you. I hate you, so I must love punishing myself like some kind of co-dependent housewife or something, because I always take jobs where I have to deal with complaints, assholes, and upset people, or just people in general.

Why do I forget that I hate people? I need to write my 800 page novel describing why I can't stand people. Upset customers are sub-human. Darfur, cancer, murder, War in Iraq. There are plenty of things to get upset about in this world. Being overcharged 39 cents for plums is not one of them. Except for you.

But most people are mindless. They don't think. If it affects them, if it disturbs them, if it disgust then they can fathom something like moral outrage. Otherwise we are all useless lumps of self replicating bags of sweat. So continue on soldiers, go ahead and spend 40 billion dollars taking care of dogs and cats, but oppose expanding health care to children.

Speaking of things that piss me off:

How come I didn't get invited to the Pizza Party? The pizza party was being held in the same office where I was filling out my w-2 forms and all the other mindless paperwork. Once I signed that paperwork, I was an employee. I was one of you, and yet not one person offered me a coke or a slice of pizza. Instead all you fatties in the front office made sure to grab your own slice of pizza and scarf it down before announcing the availability to the rest of the staff. OMG.

Speaking of OMG. NEWS FROM THE SURVEILLANCE SOCIETY:

My employer doesn't think a time clock is a good enough device to track and log my hours worked. Instead we have to use a bio-metrics finger print scan to log in to work. I give DNA, my fingerprints, drug test, and personality test just so I can sell lottery tickets and refund spoiled meat purchases to you at a Walmart wage.

You have to love America. we don't require the President of the United States to pass through this many hoops. Can you imagine George W. Bush being asked to give drug test, or add a few numbers in his head while typing?

4 comments:

Evil Spock said...

Congrats on your new job! You should buy a pizza, enough for everybody, and proceed to eat every slice at lunch time.

Make a banner that says Romius's Pizza Party, and invite no one.

Jezebelsriot said...

I feel the same way, I'm secretly attracted to debasing myself in the public eye. I should flash some paparazzi without panties. Meaning, teaching is a hell of a lot like customer service.

Romius T. said...

Great Idea Evil Spock. Of course I should have asked EVil Spock how to get back at someone.

Is jezzy going comando on her myspace now? I hope so!

Jezebelsriot said...

Where the hell are you?