Tuesday, July 17, 2007

My computer still don't work

Everyone at the library has bad breath. Why?

I ate at Jack in the Box on the way to the library today. That was a big mistake. Jack's air conditioning is out and it was a 112 today. So I am sweaty. Jack forgot to add bacon to my burger. I ate the burger anyway. Now I stink like red onions.

A friend suggested to me that I apply over at Charles Schwabb as a stockbroker. I've already picked out my Land Rover. A 1997 edition. I am going to get new leather seats and a "kicking" Bose sound system. I don't care about the 13 miles a gallon. We have plenty of oil.

If I get the job I will give up being a communist. Because I would have finally learned that capitalism does indeed reward the best and the brightest. If I don't get that job I will never get my Land Rover. I will never get my iPhone. And I will end up working at Mesa Airlines. I will get drunk and guide one of their airplanes into the airport, or maybe it will just run me over.

Though I doubt I have earned such a quick death. I talked to a new car salesman about death in a local bar. He joked about the cute girl next to us having "a charmed life." I agreed. I told him she had probably never had a bad day in her life. The only kind of women I want to abduct are ones that lived charmed lives. The ones who never have bad days. I ant to beat them and chop off their feet and store them in the freezer. The whole time I chopped away at her foot I would scream at her, "Having a bad day?"

Nobody in the bar thought that was weird. The recently divorced new car salesman choked on his beer from laughter. He told me he knew a guy who could get me a great deal on a Land Rover as soon as I got my stock broker license. I can't wait to drive it.

3 comments:

Evil Spock said...

Kinda lost Evil Spock on the whole chopping feet thing.

Btw, pretty people have bad days. Evil Spock is living proof.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Have no fear, I got it and laughed my ass off. Glad to see you are back.

Jezebelsriot said...

I'm with Evil Spock up there. I'm damned good looking and yet every day sucks for me.

We should chop up feet together. It really freaks people out when women participate in that kind of behavior.