Baker's Box. Easy answers to tuff Questions. Otherwise known as Recapitulation to Ontogeny.

Q. Why are there so many flies in your store?

A. First, I am pretty sure that Florida does not have a Health Department. Since I don't have to answer to them, I am not sure why I have to answer to you about it.

Second, we have no blowers in the entrance to our store.

Third, we have no insecticide in the garbage. That would require a telephone call and a repair bill. Thanks to Walmart we can no longer afford either.

Anyways you get what you deserve, I know you Rednecks can see all the birds and stuff. You just figure we are cleaner than your trailer anyways so... wtf might as well ask for a cookie.

Q. Why do you look so pissed when my kids ask for a free cookie.

A. Ok, first it's a free cookie. You have no rights to that cookie. So all you 14 year old punks need to stop with the "you don't have any chocolate chip, I hate brownie cookies?" You get the cookie you get.

You're 14, you can't get that excited by a cookie at your age anymore. I know, I tried using them. Michael Jackson tried it. Why do you think he put an Amusement park in his front yard?

Sure, it would have worked on that Jon Benet Ramsey Kid, but she's like 6 and I gotta have some standards.

Second, I realize the cookie will be the first solid food your kid has had all day, I just request that you wipe his little maggots nose before he tries to pull on my apron or make some skin to skin contact with me, because no one has taught him about the uses of tissue paper.

Q. What is the tissue for next to the sample box?

A. I am not sure, no one ever uses it it. No one does. And most of you fuckers don't wash your hands either. So please, try a little something from the samples box.

Got any more questions for the Baker's Box. Just e-mail me and I will make you famous.