Tuesday, January 03, 2006

The Self Help Guide to Skin Care.




Dennis Miller says we're worth it. And normally I would say that this guy knows as much about skin care "routines" as he does about announcing football games.

So when I am browsing my local Christian salvage food store and I come across "Nivea for Men" for 3 bucks I am a little more inclined towards buying it than a Miller sponsored product. I must give Dennis some credit though, before him I was not aware that I was supposed to be using this crap. I just thought my face would get old and wrinkled and chicks would still love me. But if models and comics need it, I figure I better get on the bandwagon with'em.

Now I want to slap the bejusus outta the salvage food store cult that sold it to me.

THE SMELL. It's exactly the same as Gillette's "Cool Wave" and is there anything worse than smelling like a 3 dollar aftershave all day?

Nivea does not have any "cool" beads or exfoliating agents. It doesn't sting like alcohol, so I have no idea if it works. It does claim to have "double action" qualities of moisturizing and cleansing. I can say it dries my face out less than soap.

I can see no point to owning this product. If some one looks in your medicine cabinet they can only conclude that you have a skin care routine. That will worry the one night stands you bring home (they will conclude you are gay, or vain or both) and bring constant ridicule from roommates and friends that you still look old, unless the sodium sulfate grows me some hair. This shit doesn't work and it's not orange like L'Oreal Men Care.

P.S. can anyone explain to me why a christian "church" would own a salvage food store? I am pretty sure it's one of those cult like churches like "The Door."

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