Monday, November 07, 2011

There's a reason we call it "spent"

Men hate the feeling we get after having sex.  I thought I'd let you know about that ladies.  It's because we are spent; therefore, broke.

I feel like I just had sex all the time.  Which means I feel terrible. Nothing like the rush of neurotoxic sludge that builds up in a women's brain after cuddling with her lover.

No. I feel ...dirty, spent, used.  I feel like I have nothing to live for at least the next 24 hours while my body reforms the gooey matter resting in my ball sack.  Only, I don't have the hope that in 24 hours my life can get an erection again.

Not that this should matter to you. hope you have something better to do than worrying about me.

But if you want to read the following:

I'm pretty sure I am dying.  My brain is spazzing out again.

I have a terrible teeth clenching, headaches and weird symptoms like heart pains.  I feel like maybe doing drugs has taken its toll on me.

I don't get it.  People seem to huff pledge for weeks, or years without getting side effects.  I smell a little accidentally while dusting and I am freaking out like a villain from some 1980's nighttime soap opera.


I'm just dealing with the panic attacks by distracting myself with masturbation, but then the penis gets raw.  So it's not like that can go on forever.

I might be losing my hearing and my balance seems off.  This is disturbing.  I would really like my balance back.  Also my 29 inch waist from my early twenties.

I cough and my heart goes crazy.  I get dizzy.  I wonder if I am having a brain tumor.  I should really check that out.  It would suck to have a brain tumor though.

Just downloaded an application for my phone that lets me borrow books from my library.  Maybe I will read some books now.

My fucking head really hurts right now.  I should take a tylenol, but I went drinking last night over at the MUGGSHOTS.

The bartender thinks I am funny.  She told me.  Even noticed that I checked in at home on Foursquare.  (We're totally friends on Foursquare!)  Not that she is in to me.  I think she dates hipper dudes than me.

Some loser was hitting on her and took offense to me talking shit from the peanut gallery every time he tried to use some lame line on her.

At one point he really pissed me off because he called me a douche.  He was drunk as fuck and took offense to me saying my favorite thing about animals, "is how they taste on the grill."

My brain was too drunk to register that he called me a douche for a good 5 minutes after he called me one, so I couldn't exactly get pissed at him.  I would have looked like a drunk asshole if I had.  But he deserved it.  I spent three hours at home fantasizing about my special "Super" fighting skills.  I've blogged before how I am crazy ass fighter and how you don't want to mess with me, but I am not looking that information up right now.  Too fucking difficult.  My leg is jumping out of control.

But anyways I drank a few malt liquors when I got home and dreamed about knifing that fucker.  I WILL not fight fair.   I will stab you.  I will kick you in the balls, and do whatever it takes to win.  My life is so much more important to me than your ethics.

I did get him to look stupid after he thought my bartender was kicking me out -when in fact she was talking to another person.  He looked so deflated.  Kept telling me how I was killing his buzz.  I told him I was only making mine better by making fun of him.  Plus I got to have a conversation with her whenever he went to smoke where she confided in me that he "asked her out" but she was not into it at all.

I might try to fuck her now.  We will see.

I need something to do.  Maybe eat brownies.  Get drunk on Absolute.   Also, I am planning on checking out this legal high called EMpathY.  Not too sure about it.  Don't even know what's in it.

For my upcoming 41st birthday I am going to a rave.  I will swallow massive e pillz.  Probably cause my brains to short circuit.  But it will be the last time after that I promise.

Been having some manic episodes followed by panic.  I know I should wait till this all subsides before trying anything new.

Want to feel normal again.  Soon as I do, I want to feel fucked up.  First world problems I guess.

Next article I will have to talk about the #occupy movement.

Good nite KIDS

Remember stay away from men
in windowless vans
if they tell you
"free ice cream"
if you
help me
find my dog


FaNgFAraNG said...

Hey, totally got here by accident and started reading for a bit. Man you have issues and we have all got them ( I do ) and the person on this world who says he has non is lying to himself.

I just wanted to point you to read about some budhism and taoism as these to ( Let's call the way of life ) Truly changed my world or how I look at it anyhow.

You seem to be a nice guy on first looks even if all what you say is not always that nice but HEY we all have a good and a dark side. I am sure you can work on flourishing that good side with some water and love and care :-D.

Also I noticed about your panic attacks, there is a system in the world wich explains our personalities ( also our AUTO PILOT function ) It is called the enneagram, In Taoism there is a saying "knowing others is wisdom knowing thyself is enlightenment". The enneagram system is a good way to start investigating yourself. I am a 6 in that system, maybe you are too.

Thx for pointing me to the movie Claire Dolan certainly going to watch it. without you I might miss this movie and never gotten the chance to watch it.

just thought I should give smth Back

Stay sane stay happy :-D ( I am still in the trying period too )

Romius T. said...

Hey, Fang

Thanks for dropping by (from Tailand? wow)and and leaving a comment.

I've always been somewhat interested in Buddhism, and I plan on reading more on it,someday at least.

thanks for your encouragement as well, it's nice to feel it and people like you help a lot when I am wigging out.

Things are slowly going to get better if and when I start taking some action. Maybe I need to get back on the meds to even me out.

I hope all is going well for you!