Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Mad Men


I went to the bookstore to buy my birthday present. I was hoping to buy Bukowski's Women. I've been trying to get the book since Katie recommended it to me.

But at the bookstore they are all sold out of Women. A clerk tells me he thinks all the Bukowski books were stolen a few days ago.

He's wrong.

The chain store has quite a few books of Bukowski's. But only one I was willing to pay money for.

Notes from an old Man.

Bukowski writes in the introduction how he loves the freedom of writing for the OPEN CITY and how he likes that it takes just a few days for his writings to go to press. I imagine Bukowski would have loved the internet. I am sure Bukowski would have been a blogger.

The chain book store has only one checkout stand open. I have to wait behind 3 or 4 others. I'm surprised this many people still read.

The checkout girl is from Britain. She has a loud laugh and a huge smile. An all England smile full of gray teeth. She is not under the impression that she should have to keep that smile to herself.

If she had been born in America her smile would have never appeared. She'd be to self-conscious of her teeth and her big personality would have a hard time showing itself.

But she keeps looking over me and smiling her big gray smile. She laughs and jokes with all the customers. When she finally gets a chance to ring my purchase up she asks if I've read a lot of Bukowski.

I tell her I've read everything. That's a lie. But she gets what I mean. She asks If I've read something I hadn't and I tell her I haven't. She thanks me for the "talk" as I leave with my book.

Next, I went that hip clothing store Abercrombie & Fitch. Purveyors of cool clothes and teen porn. They make a great catalog that gets them in trouble. I loved their catalog so much that I wanted to buy a hat from them. But all their hats where one size fit only. I don't like that kind of hat, so I bought a t-shirt. I still dress like I am 15. Layered t over long sleeve shirt.

I'm celebrating my birthday with card shark the way I celebrate every other Monday, getting drunk. But I get to wear my new shirt to TailGate's.

I like to get drunk. I like to get drunk a lot. And when I get drunk even card shark seems funny. We come up with all kinds of great schemes when we are drunk.

We want to make a website and stalk a girl. Send her the web address. Tell her we are not really stalking her, because we are, " like ironic and shit."

Like an advertising campaign for the date rape drug Rohypnol.

SCENE

We show a guy in a business suit taking care of business. The camera follows the businessman as he makes his rounds in meetings, glad handing customers and getting signatures, making deals.

ANNOUNCER GUY:

BECAUSE YOU'RE THE KINDA MAN THAT GETS THINGS DONE. YOU DON'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER. NO IS JUST THE FIRST WORD UNTIL YES.

SCENE

He moves on to another girl and then another girl. Each time he gets slapped. Finally we show him back at his place with original girl. She is seated on the couch, he is at the wet bar making a drink. She appears quite bored.

Flash to a close up of the drink. Two pills that look like alka seltzer splash around in drink.

End with girl passed out in bed and guy smoking a cigarette.

TAGLINE:FROM THE MAKERS OF STAYHARD, FARM X PRESENTS:

Rohypnol

BECAUSE YOU DON'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER!

3 comments:

DCup said...

Happy birthday, man. I hope you got as drunk as you wanted to get.

And, oh please, tell me you tore the place up. It's not a birthday until something's broken and spilled and someone's in tears.

Romius T. said...

thanks d cup!

Pain said...

Happy Birthday Romius T!

Now this is utterly off topic but I hate like Hell to see anyone suffer when they are already suffering the burden of living in America.

The cure for gout is called oenemel it is a 70 percent good quality grape juice 30 percent honey mixture that if drunk four times a day will eliminate the painful symptoms of gout in 6 to 12 hours.

Qu'ul cuda praedex nihil!