Back at the Kava Bar.

I'm writing the novel on my phone at my second favorite Kava bar. Am I worried about not having a job? It's only been a month and a half since I've been back in Palmetto. So why worry? Chinasky wouldn't. 

"You aren't Bukowski!" I can hear a voice screaming in my head.

I get it. Instead of writing the next great American novel I should be out here trying to earn enough to pay my car insurance. "I promise, Mom, I just need you to make a few more car payments too!" Then I'll get a job. Maybe.

All this stress is adding up. I feel my blood pressure pounding around in my temples. It's looking for a way out. I tell myself not worry about the stroke. I take my drink and walk outside like a like an arrogant smoker taking a break from my life. Outside the ocean air is as languid as my non- existent sex life so I might as well go back inside. 

For some reason there are more girls than normal in the bar. Next to me was a short girl with dark black hair and a mask around her face. It was odd to see a pandemic mask in Florida, but liberals can hide anywhere. She had a  friend with her. A fat girl who offered up to no one that she was, "An anxious chill."

They must have been on a first date, because the black haired girl said that she liked that about her, "that she was an anxious chill." I wouldn't have thought it was interesting enough to mention it to you if I hadn't seen the fat girl's face.  But she was right. The fat girl's face looked anxious, but chill. 

Because there weren't a lot of men in the bar today, I was the second oldest man in the bar. The older guy forgot to lock the restroom door and I accidentally walked in on him. 

"oh, um.." I apologized. "Sorry!" I could tell he thought I tried to walk in on him on purpose. He looked up from pissing like I was some kind of pervert. I am a pervert, so he's not wrong. Just not the kind of pervert that gets his rocks off to old men pissing in dive bars. 

No one is a Sapiosexual.

There is no such thing as a sexual orientation like sapiosexuality. What you are attracted to intelligence? Wow! Way to build your whole identity around something so general. Who likes stupid people anyway? I can only get off to blondes with big tits myself, but I don't make up a word for that.

You just have a preference. You don't need to make up pseudo sociological formulations just because you got an A in Sociology 101. I bet you didn't even need to crack open a book to do that! That's not the humble brag you think it is. It's just proof that what you are being taught is worthless.

You can graduate with a degree in Sociology without ever getting assigned to read the Communist Manifesto or the Protestant work Ethic. You haven't thought deeply for one minute about anything. Instead you've learned a bunch of catch phrases like patriarchy and privilege.

So you've watched a video on critical theory while doing your stupid Tik Tok dances. You couldn't steel man an argument on behalf of functionalism if you tried. Because all the answers have already been given to you.

It's conflict theory and power struggles and oppressors and victims. Let me guess which one those you are. Without a hint of irony you profess the world is keeping you down, but you are in the 1 percenters of the world.

You haven't engaged any text because you are not looking for questions only answers. You want to feel unique and special when the least unique thing about you is your need to feel unique. Sapiosexuality isn't legit like same sex attraction or being straight is. 

This whole fake story is just 'nerdy' compartmentalization. I guess it's fun to allow yourself to make distinctions. Which we aren't allowed to do anymore, so you hide behind your personality typology to offer an alternative explanation as to why no one wants to fuck you.

You don't choose potential mates  because on Fridays you like intelligence and Saturdays you don't feel horny. Shit. I don't even like people after I ejaculate. What's that category make me?

To say you are have a sapiosexuality simply proves you know nothing about love. 13 yr old iboys read too much Nietzsche and 39 year old Sociology Majors invent too much jargon.

Claiming Sapiosexuality is like suggesting that your mother loves you only because she is keeping in line with her evolutionary imperative to protect her genes. Maybe like Freud you want to sleep with your Dad. But these theories and just perspectives teach you literally nothing.

You wouldn't consider navigating the real world using penis envy theories, but you intone Biblical profundity to arcane philosophers and sketchy borderline sociology theories. When frankly, Freud was probably more right that Lacan.

Most of you couldn't define half of what you say. You just hear yourselves repeat talking points over and over again. But the glossary in the back of the book you didn't read doesn't provide answers, only a way of organizing your shapeless, chaotic thoughts.

None of what you believe is real.

Nothing.