But the Government isn't likely to take that path. It's not going to see innocence where there is ambiguity.
I had a Gentleman come into the store today. He asked me for a package of Postage Stamps.
"Stamps!"
I am usually addressed in this manner. Not: "Hello, Fine, Sir!"
No. Usually I am addressed from behind. The person will not be in my line. They will be six feet away. They will be screaming in monosyllabic format.
STAMPS STAMPS STAMPS
I like to pretend that I don't understand what I am being told when I am spoken to in this manner.
"Stamps?" I ask. Then I shuffle a bemused look at the fellow. I cock my head to the side. I look at them earnestly. I allow a slight deepening to set into my eyes.
"Would you like to purchase some STAMPS?"
The fellow bounded over to me, covering the six feet between us in a mear nanosecond. He told me that he needed stamps because he had to send out for his passport.
"I sent them my last passport in a plastic bag, because it was covered in cat piss."
I see.
"But the STATE DEPARTMENT didn't understand why I needed a new passport--EVEN THOUGH my last passport was covered in CAT PISS."
"So I wrote them a five page letter discussing how in my latest trip to Africa I decided to become a Cougar. And when one becomes a cougar, one leaves all the 2 legged things of the world behind. To gain initiation in to the four legged world ONE NEEDS to have the COUGARS piss all over ALL OF YOUR STUFF and ALL OF YOUR STUFF includes my PASSPORT."
I give him the book of stamps, I think a book of stamps is exactly what the doctor has ordered.
.JPG)