Showing posts with label sarah palin's mongrel child. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sarah palin's mongrel child. Show all posts
Saturday, June 05, 2010
The one about my attorney and the 12 year old Mongrel child
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Tuesday, August 11, 2009
I’m slowly letting all my dreams die…
In retrospect is the kind of thing you expect to hear from a writer who has learned something. It's also the kind of thing you will never hear at this blog.
After reading this post I hope the knowledge that I never learn anything will at least provide some comfort to you.
I am usually not one for providing comfort. Normally, I am the kind of guy who would drag little Sarah Palin's mongrel child up to one of President Obama's "death panels" and force abort that chromosome damaged piggy face before you could say, "that's a little fucked up dude."
In case you were inclined to like me before you read that last statement I want you to know that I am not just another liberal atheist "hating on" your favorite conservative super mommy.
You see, if I were in the same situation that Sarah Palin faced, I would force abort my very own child.
Now if you just got the feeling that "forced abortion" does not always mean "talking a girl into getting an abortion for you*," and it was really just code for… I don't know… hiring a brown man to punch a girl in the stomach, throw her down stairs, and then get busy with some wire coat hanger action in the vagina area… then YOU my friend are a racist.
*Bet you were fine with that method though, weren't you killer?
You should know better.
If my ex tried to give birth to some retard, or handicapped kid I would "man up" and take care of things myself. I wouldn't pull no punches (no pun intended).
Unlike you I would not hire some midget with a baseball bat to club my wife to death because, "I was too prissy to get my hands dirty." And then faux cry to the press about the "sad death of my sweet wife and my precious child" just because pretty white women fall in love with death sentence prisoners.
I would just kill the soon-to-be-lactating wife myself. Then after I killed her and cut her body into pieces I would take a ride out to sea on the boat my pop left me in his will.
After I dumped her body in the ocean I would light the boat on fire. Then as I watched the fire consume the body of my retarded infant child (along with the meticulously restored wood tile floor) I would shoot myself in the face for giving rise to a seed that could produce a mongoloid.
Because I GOT my self respect.
I decided to get drunk after writing that even though my liver just started feeling better, and even though I know that my roommate's 6 beers won't get me drunk enough to excuse me blowing 20 dollars at the porno "hack" shack, but I need something to get my mind off this post.
Like I said I am just not the kind of person who learns from things.
But I am the kind of person who thinks of himself as "clean" even though he leaves the roll of toilet paper off the holder and casually tossed by the tub.
I like to tell myself that "at least I noticed the scrunched wad of tissue lying next to the toilet" even when I do not pick it up. On my good days I promise myself I will clean the toilet more than once a month.
It's just I have been so busy with work.
Funny thing about this post is I left out a joke that I thought "insensitive" because it involved me suggesting that 7-up causes "cancer of the leg" which is not really funny unless you know that I was helping a "one legged" customer purchase a bottle of 7-up.
After reading this post I hope the knowledge that I never learn anything will at least provide some comfort to you.
I am usually not one for providing comfort. Normally, I am the kind of guy who would drag little Sarah Palin's mongrel child up to one of President Obama's "death panels" and force abort that chromosome damaged piggy face before you could say, "that's a little fucked up dude."
This is a straight up Eugenics thing.
In case you were inclined to like me before you read that last statement I want you to know that I am not just another liberal atheist "hating on" your favorite conservative super mommy.
You see, if I were in the same situation that Sarah Palin faced, I would force abort my very own child.
Now if you just got the feeling that "forced abortion" does not always mean "talking a girl into getting an abortion for you*," and it was really just code for… I don't know… hiring a brown man to punch a girl in the stomach, throw her down stairs, and then get busy with some wire coat hanger action in the vagina area… then YOU my friend are a racist.
*Bet you were fine with that method though, weren't you killer?
You should know better.
If my ex tried to give birth to some retard, or handicapped kid I would "man up" and take care of things myself. I wouldn't pull no punches (no pun intended).
Unlike you I would not hire some midget with a baseball bat to club my wife to death because, "I was too prissy to get my hands dirty." And then faux cry to the press about the "sad death of my sweet wife and my precious child" just because pretty white women fall in love with death sentence prisoners.
I would just kill the soon-to-be-lactating wife myself. Then after I killed her and cut her body into pieces I would take a ride out to sea on the boat my pop left me in his will.
After I dumped her body in the ocean I would light the boat on fire. Then as I watched the fire consume the body of my retarded infant child (along with the meticulously restored wood tile floor) I would shoot myself in the face for giving rise to a seed that could produce a mongoloid.
Because I GOT my self respect.
I decided to get drunk after writing that even though my liver just started feeling better, and even though I know that my roommate's 6 beers won't get me drunk enough to excuse me blowing 20 dollars at the porno "hack" shack, but I need something to get my mind off this post.
Like I said I am just not the kind of person who learns from things.
But I am the kind of person who thinks of himself as "clean" even though he leaves the roll of toilet paper off the holder and casually tossed by the tub.
I like to tell myself that "at least I noticed the scrunched wad of tissue lying next to the toilet" even when I do not pick it up. On my good days I promise myself I will clean the toilet more than once a month.
It's just I have been so busy with work.
Funny thing about this post is I left out a joke that I thought "insensitive" because it involved me suggesting that 7-up causes "cancer of the leg" which is not really funny unless you know that I was helping a "one legged" customer purchase a bottle of 7-up.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
I try to explain why I am the Sarah Palin of the blogosphere
I work late today. I won't start work until 6 p.m. Which means I have plenty of time to post a blog entry for you. I know you can't tell from reading them, but most days it takes me a good 2 hours to write a blog entry.
Some of you have been lucky enough to stumble upon one of the rough drafts I write rather than the finished project. I usually post "the rough draft" to see what it looks like "live" on the blog. I then go back and read the draft 6 or 7 times. I try to catch basic grammar and spelling mistakes and fix them before most of you read the draft and assume that the rough draft is the final version. The whole process can take an hour or two. So you can see that I am putting way more effort into than you think.
I try not to make it look like I don't work hard at this blog because I know it just adds to your conception that I am somehow a genius who just cranks this stuff out without trying so you "just know" that someday when I start trying this blog will take off and all the talent I am hiding from the world will be finally showcased for all to see.
I hate to break it to you, but I work hard on this blog. Harder than you have a right to expect from me. I know I tell you from time to time that I don't make the effort to edit this blog, but that's because if you saw how much effort it takes for me to make one post you would admire my determination for the first time, but you would come to realize that my dogged efforts are in vain.
So don't trust me when I say I don't take time to edit this blog. The truth is I take the time to edit. I am just too lazy or stupid to locate all the mistakes I make, and that makes me insecure, because some of you are smart enough to catch them, and then I worry that my dyslexia makes me look stupid.
You think I don't have dyslexia because I don't make some of the classic mistakes that dyslexics make. But you are wrong. I have a strange case of dyslexia where I sometimes place 'the predicate before the subject' like I was speaking in Chinese or something even though my Mom is not Chinese and my parents hate foreigners.
I make the same mistakes when I talk to people in person, and if you have ever had the displeasure of speaking to me, you probably noticed how I placed words in strange places during our conversation. I am shy and uncomfortable around people, but I can fake being outgoing by making outrageous comments. If you are around me long enough you might notice that I am slightly autistic with a case of the Asperger Syndrome.
I don't get dyslexic when I am on one of my rants, or when I am making use of one of my funny voices, or during short bursts when I cast my sardonic insults at you, which is why I usually just stick to making fun of people, because making fun of people allows me to release the tidal wave of my intellect, like clitoral stimulation releases the frothy mixture of sweat and vagina juices from your swollen pussies.
But ask me a question and try to get me to tell you something in a straight forward logical way and I will end up sounding a lot like Sarah Palin at a news conference with Katie Couric. Which is one of the reasons I never jumped on the bandwagon like the rest of you and assumed that Palin isn't smart because when questioned she gets flustered and starts vocalizing all over the map. Maybe Sarah is just Autistic like me which I guess explains why she has all those mongrel children.
Not that I am defending Sarah Palin mind you. I figure she has an I.Q. around 110 which is pretty normal for a somewhat college educated white woman. Sarah is about as smart as the women I meet at community college which is to say not very bright. On the other hand if you give her the answers she might be able to follow along with you as you explain concepts like "exceptionalism."
Not that she'd retain any of that knowledge in any useful way other than maybe being able to select the correct answer in a multiple choice test. She would not be able to use complex scientific theories or philosophical ideas to interpret the world, and those ideas could never inform her world view. She is stuck with "common sense" and digestible forms of tautological nonsense which make sense only in hindsight and who's wisdom offer us only truisms.
That is why the average 'man in the street' loves her (well that and her big tits) because she is using the same dimheaded lamp post to guide her thinking that most people do.
If Sarah had paid attention in school she would not have to be told by her handlers that Africa is a continent, and maybe she could have gotten around to trying to memorize some of the names of the leaders of that large country (er, continent) instead of trying to digest a lot of basic information that smart people know without trying.
I am not sure how I got sidetracked into talking about Sarah Palin, (I added the title to this blog post after I got sidetracked and the sidetrack became the post) but I guess it was because I thought you might like to know what it would be like to talk to me in person. And since we all know the character of "Sarah" you can have a good mental image of my communication style. Only all the words and sentences I would spit out at you Turret's Syndrome style would be connected to the point I am making, and all the facts I would use would be true, if just a little exaggerated for effect.
The whole point of this post being that I take a lot of time out of my life for you. Time that is rarely appreciated by you, or returned in favor. I never get credit for all my hard work just because you can can crank out a 2 page post in under 30 minutes. You can't conceive that something you read that only sounds like the verbal drippings from my stream of consciousness has to be made orderly and functional. "Orderly and functional." See I tend to repeat adverbs and stuff like Sarah does. Only when I write this stuff down can I catch some it and fix it. I think I will leave some of the stuff in in to get my point across to you and so you don't think this is just another example of my hypochondria going wild.
I'm having a hard time remembering what the hell this post was going to be about.
***
I drank a coke today for breakfast. In the past month I have had 2 cokes and 2 sprites. I was not worried about coke until today. Today's coke was quite good and I have to go pour myself an iced tea or I will be hooked on the caffeinated stomach acid juice again.
Lord help me. But I drank a glass of tea and I am ok. No more coke.
Some of you have been lucky enough to stumble upon one of the rough drafts I write rather than the finished project. I usually post "the rough draft" to see what it looks like "live" on the blog. I then go back and read the draft 6 or 7 times. I try to catch basic grammar and spelling mistakes and fix them before most of you read the draft and assume that the rough draft is the final version. The whole process can take an hour or two. So you can see that I am putting way more effort into than you think.
I try not to make it look like I don't work hard at this blog because I know it just adds to your conception that I am somehow a genius who just cranks this stuff out without trying so you "just know" that someday when I start trying this blog will take off and all the talent I am hiding from the world will be finally showcased for all to see.
I hate to break it to you, but I work hard on this blog. Harder than you have a right to expect from me. I know I tell you from time to time that I don't make the effort to edit this blog, but that's because if you saw how much effort it takes for me to make one post you would admire my determination for the first time, but you would come to realize that my dogged efforts are in vain.
So don't trust me when I say I don't take time to edit this blog. The truth is I take the time to edit. I am just too lazy or stupid to locate all the mistakes I make, and that makes me insecure, because some of you are smart enough to catch them, and then I worry that my dyslexia makes me look stupid.
You think I don't have dyslexia because I don't make some of the classic mistakes that dyslexics make. But you are wrong. I have a strange case of dyslexia where I sometimes place 'the predicate before the subject' like I was speaking in Chinese or something even though my Mom is not Chinese and my parents hate foreigners.
I make the same mistakes when I talk to people in person, and if you have ever had the displeasure of speaking to me, you probably noticed how I placed words in strange places during our conversation. I am shy and uncomfortable around people, but I can fake being outgoing by making outrageous comments. If you are around me long enough you might notice that I am slightly autistic with a case of the Asperger Syndrome.
I don't get dyslexic when I am on one of my rants, or when I am making use of one of my funny voices, or during short bursts when I cast my sardonic insults at you, which is why I usually just stick to making fun of people, because making fun of people allows me to release the tidal wave of my intellect, like clitoral stimulation releases the frothy mixture of sweat and vagina juices from your swollen pussies.
But ask me a question and try to get me to tell you something in a straight forward logical way and I will end up sounding a lot like Sarah Palin at a news conference with Katie Couric. Which is one of the reasons I never jumped on the bandwagon like the rest of you and assumed that Palin isn't smart because when questioned she gets flustered and starts vocalizing all over the map. Maybe Sarah is just Autistic like me which I guess explains why she has all those mongrel children.
Not that I am defending Sarah Palin mind you. I figure she has an I.Q. around 110 which is pretty normal for a somewhat college educated white woman. Sarah is about as smart as the women I meet at community college which is to say not very bright. On the other hand if you give her the answers she might be able to follow along with you as you explain concepts like "exceptionalism."
Not that she'd retain any of that knowledge in any useful way other than maybe being able to select the correct answer in a multiple choice test. She would not be able to use complex scientific theories or philosophical ideas to interpret the world, and those ideas could never inform her world view. She is stuck with "common sense" and digestible forms of tautological nonsense which make sense only in hindsight and who's wisdom offer us only truisms.
That is why the average 'man in the street' loves her (well that and her big tits) because she is using the same dimheaded lamp post to guide her thinking that most people do.
If Sarah had paid attention in school she would not have to be told by her handlers that Africa is a continent, and maybe she could have gotten around to trying to memorize some of the names of the leaders of that large country (er, continent) instead of trying to digest a lot of basic information that smart people know without trying.
I am not sure how I got sidetracked into talking about Sarah Palin, (I added the title to this blog post after I got sidetracked and the sidetrack became the post) but I guess it was because I thought you might like to know what it would be like to talk to me in person. And since we all know the character of "Sarah" you can have a good mental image of my communication style. Only all the words and sentences I would spit out at you Turret's Syndrome style would be connected to the point I am making, and all the facts I would use would be true, if just a little exaggerated for effect.
The whole point of this post being that I take a lot of time out of my life for you. Time that is rarely appreciated by you, or returned in favor. I never get credit for all my hard work just because you can can crank out a 2 page post in under 30 minutes. You can't conceive that something you read that only sounds like the verbal drippings from my stream of consciousness has to be made orderly and functional. "Orderly and functional." See I tend to repeat adverbs and stuff like Sarah does. Only when I write this stuff down can I catch some it and fix it. I think I will leave some of the stuff in in to get my point across to you and so you don't think this is just another example of my hypochondria going wild.
I'm having a hard time remembering what the hell this post was going to be about.
***
I drank a coke today for breakfast. In the past month I have had 2 cokes and 2 sprites. I was not worried about coke until today. Today's coke was quite good and I have to go pour myself an iced tea or I will be hooked on the caffeinated stomach acid juice again.
Lord help me. But I drank a glass of tea and I am ok. No more coke.
Monday, October 27, 2008
It is a well documented fact that you are an idiot
Don't hate me because I am Misanthrope. I can't help it. I was born that way. Just like you can't help being the way you are because you were born just like Sarah Palin's mongrel child. You're a bit retarded, and stuff doesn't go to your mind that well and even the stuff that gets in your mind doesn't stick there because if it stuck there that would mean there was enough gray matter or brain juice to soak up inside your skull and we both know that ain't the true.
I did not know it, but I guess I have been nominated as one of the most hated people on the internet, and I guess I should be surprised, but I am not. I know I talked to you guys about how popular I have become and with popularity you always have to risk the backlash. And I guess here comes the backlash with me being nominated for the most hated dude on the tubes. Even (everyone loves) Kelso's Nuts admits that I am favorite to win the award.
I think I know why I am going to win that award. I was talking to a friend the other day who wanted to go into politics, but will never go into politics because he hates stupid people. He can't stop himself from telling stupid people how stupid they are, and the one thing stupid people hate is being told how stupid they are.
That's why stupid people like Sarah Palin think a jar of peanut butter can disprove Evolution. It's why stupid people will vote against allowing gays the right to get married. Stupid people are always looking around for another stupid person to tell them how not-stupid they are. Stupid people are so stupid they never stop to consider the possibility that they are stupid. That's how stupid they are.
Smart people are filled with self doubt. That's why stupid people hate Obama, because Obama equivocates. That's why stupid people hate intellectuals, book smarts, or anything that has Physics in it. Stupid people even hate the word equivocates. How stupid is that?
Of course the only thing worse than a stupid person is a not-stupid person. Not-stupid persons sit around all day waiting for someone to post a rant against stupid people and when they read the words "smart people are filled with self doubt" they nearly shit themselves from the hiccups they get from nodding their heads in agreement to what they just read.
Sorry, not believing in yourself don't make you smart. It only makes you an ass. Maybe you should wonder why you are susceptible to my smooth talking and ego flattering speech.
You are going to hate me now.
I have to break the news to you. You're not that fucking smart. If you were that fucking smart you would have done something by now. You have not. You are not distinguished. You are just one of the faceless masses that bury their heads at the problems of the world and slowly die on the inside from the alienation that we call being a member of the 21st Century working class.
Don't tell me to get over it.
Alienation is not a "feeling" that you can get over. Alienation is a fact. Alienation is the drunken hangover from the alcoholic soaked relations of society.
I deal with my alienation by being an asshole to you on this website. Like my good friend Jesus Martinez wrote:
"I am also sticking with...shit, because it seems to be working….and by working I mean sending you to other sites that are better than mine and worth reading….because I’d hate for you to get stuck here since I am not very good company and definitely a horrible host. I’m the kind of guy who won’t offer you a drink, will leave you in a bathroom with no toilet paper and who would be grabbin’ at your wife in front of your face, so I guess it’s better if you head on over to some of these other people, but I guess you can come back again tomorrow, since I’ll be doing the same shit I’ve been doing the last 4 years, it’s pretty much all I know, which is sad considering I’m not all that good at it, even though you’d think with all that practice would come some improvement, but that’s just not how things work in these parts…."
I could not have summed up my blog or this post more appropriately. I guess that is why I had to steal jesus' words, and I guess that is why Jesus will always be more popular than me.
P.S.
Head over to Bathos I just finished a long attack piece on another crazy e-mail from the nutjobs who try and smear Barrack Obama.
I did not know it, but I guess I have been nominated as one of the most hated people on the internet, and I guess I should be surprised, but I am not. I know I talked to you guys about how popular I have become and with popularity you always have to risk the backlash. And I guess here comes the backlash with me being nominated for the most hated dude on the tubes. Even (everyone loves) Kelso's Nuts admits that I am favorite to win the award.
I think I know why I am going to win that award. I was talking to a friend the other day who wanted to go into politics, but will never go into politics because he hates stupid people. He can't stop himself from telling stupid people how stupid they are, and the one thing stupid people hate is being told how stupid they are.
That's why stupid people like Sarah Palin think a jar of peanut butter can disprove Evolution. It's why stupid people will vote against allowing gays the right to get married. Stupid people are always looking around for another stupid person to tell them how not-stupid they are. Stupid people are so stupid they never stop to consider the possibility that they are stupid. That's how stupid they are.
Smart people are filled with self doubt. That's why stupid people hate Obama, because Obama equivocates. That's why stupid people hate intellectuals, book smarts, or anything that has Physics in it. Stupid people even hate the word equivocates. How stupid is that?
Of course the only thing worse than a stupid person is a not-stupid person. Not-stupid persons sit around all day waiting for someone to post a rant against stupid people and when they read the words "smart people are filled with self doubt" they nearly shit themselves from the hiccups they get from nodding their heads in agreement to what they just read.
Sorry, not believing in yourself don't make you smart. It only makes you an ass. Maybe you should wonder why you are susceptible to my smooth talking and ego flattering speech.
You are going to hate me now.
I have to break the news to you. You're not that fucking smart. If you were that fucking smart you would have done something by now. You have not. You are not distinguished. You are just one of the faceless masses that bury their heads at the problems of the world and slowly die on the inside from the alienation that we call being a member of the 21st Century working class.
Don't tell me to get over it.
Alienation is not a "feeling" that you can get over. Alienation is a fact. Alienation is the drunken hangover from the alcoholic soaked relations of society.
I deal with my alienation by being an asshole to you on this website. Like my good friend Jesus Martinez wrote:
"I am also sticking with...shit, because it seems to be working….and by working I mean sending you to other sites that are better than mine and worth reading….because I’d hate for you to get stuck here since I am not very good company and definitely a horrible host. I’m the kind of guy who won’t offer you a drink, will leave you in a bathroom with no toilet paper and who would be grabbin’ at your wife in front of your face, so I guess it’s better if you head on over to some of these other people, but I guess you can come back again tomorrow, since I’ll be doing the same shit I’ve been doing the last 4 years, it’s pretty much all I know, which is sad considering I’m not all that good at it, even though you’d think with all that practice would come some improvement, but that’s just not how things work in these parts…."
I could not have summed up my blog or this post more appropriately. I guess that is why I had to steal jesus' words, and I guess that is why Jesus will always be more popular than me.
P.S.
Head over to Bathos I just finished a long attack piece on another crazy e-mail from the nutjobs who try and smear Barrack Obama.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
I save the America from financial ruin and I explain to you why bad things happen only to good people like me
I discovered the best way to make my podcast more popular. Stop making my podcast and watch the dowloads spike upwards. I guess people like my podcast better when I stop talking. I've had more than 400 downloads this month which is twice as much as any normal month even though I haven't recorded a podcast in the 2 months since my Internet connection was cut off.
I think the podcast benefits from being listed on Digg.com and from getting ranked in the top 50 most popular podcasts by listeners over at Switchpod.com. And while the podcast seems to be enjoying a spike in popularity, I don't think my podcast will ever be truly popular because it suffers from some kind of bi-polar disease. My rating over at Switchpod is usually 2.97 which is only .01 away from being in the top 50. Every once and while I get a few voters vote up the podcast and that pushes me into the top 50 for a bit. Then I get flooded with votes for being listed as a Top 50 podcast and (from what I can tell at least) the new votes all seem to grade me higher than a 3.0 but my score drops back down to 2.97 leaving me just out of the rankings. So for a few moments I am awesome and popular, but then for next few weeks I am back to being just like you- an anonymous blog/podcaster that only my family reads or accidental searchers stumble upon.
I bring up this point up to echo a larger point about the cosmic injustice of the universe. *
*(And by the way anyone who blogs about their day should only be blogging to make a larger point but that is just my take on blog writing issues.)
I have 2 points to make about the cosmic injustice of the universe.
I don't make any secret that I think having a positive attitude is for suckers. I also feel like I am the only person in the world who laughs at folks who think the universe is fair or that the the universe actually cares about them.
I just don't see any evidence for karmatic justice in the world which I guess is why people who believe in that stuff have to resort to faith. The basic unfairness of human life is self evident to anyone with a brain so if the universe really is aware like some people claim it is we have to conclude that the universe does not give a shit about us. I guess for some people that kind of thing is so scary they would rather go on believing in Karma or some variation of magical thinking just so they can get through the day.
As your hero Barrack Obama would say, "Enough!"
I say you should just tuff it out and stop looking for rationalizations to do good, like "the univese gives back what you give to it" and just do the right thing anyway. I did yesterday. I saved the world from another financial meltdown. Not a lot of you can say that about yourselves and even fewer of you would chose to save the world when confronted with a billion dollar bribe, but I did because I don't care about money. I only care about the things money can buy you like: respect, women, and a fancy new laptop with wireless Internet connection.
How did I save the world you ask?
It was a just a normal day for me and like any day the Lottery goes over 150 million dollars I buy one Power Ball ticket and prey to god that he gives me the winning numbers. But unlike most days I was given the option to try the "power play" with my lottery purchase. The "power play" option allows the purchaser to triple and sometimes quintuple her winnings. Since the Power Ball is nearly 200 million dollars, the purchase of a power play would net me roughly 1 billion dollars.
A billion dollars is a lot of money and most have you have been bought for a lot less. You have been bought for the assurances that your rubbing thighs do not make you fat. You have been bought for the assurance that you will not be left alone in the universe just because one person in 7 billion can put up with your bizarre sex fetishes, or eating requirements. You think because you have a soul mate and I don't that deep down you are the better person and that you are the good person your mother always told you you were.
I know you are wrong and I doubt you are even an "OK" person but that is not the point, the point is that I turned down a billion dollars because I know that the financial markets are in turmoil and the industry that bets against people picking winners in the lottery, hedge their bets with risky investments in the real estate market and they could not cover the 800 million dollars they would be on the line for when I win the lottery with the power play. I know winning 200 million dollars is pretty good consolation prize and you think that maybe I should not complain, but I thought it necessary to point out to you that I am a much better person that you are because I am willing to turn down a billion dollars for the common good, and that is because I have something that you and your fancy community college degree holding friends don't have, and that is a little thing I like to call integrity.
The Universe still ends up screwing me
I may have integrity, but the universe does not care about those kinds of things. I know this because I got a call from my ex Google girlfriend the other day. She called me just to rub it in my face that she now earns three times as much as I do and that is even after my recent 73 cent raise to $9.32 and hour. (Suck it minimum wage earners!)
When we last left the Ex she had been fired from her job at B of A where she earned only twice as much as me. She was forced to move in with Baby Daddy #2 and his sister. As you might guess that situation only lasted a week or so and she had to leave and move in with her Mom. Yesterday, I got a text message from my Ex with a strange phone number telling me to call the number right away. Being the great guy I am, I naturally worried about her and the two kids being on the streets or in some kind of danger. I took my break early and hurriedly dialed the number only to find that the phone number in the text was a practical joke number where the voice on the other end of the line accused me of having bad breath.
After calming down and worrying that indeed, "I may have bad breath" just because I think brushing my teeth is some kind of ruling class plot to drum up support for fluoridating public water, I managed to work up enough "furious" anger to call the ex and inquire as to how things were going. That's when she told me the good news that she got a job at Charles Schwab and yes the same Charles Schwabb I applied for. (I blogged here about if you don't recall and why is it I must remind you of every detail of my life when it is all in print for you to read?)
She told me she was going to earn 25 dollars and hour and they were going to bend over backwards to not apply the college degree requirement for her position, and would pay for her schooling to get the degree and if she got the degree they would give her a much bigger raise.
Don't you see!
Good things like that happen to people like her and not to people like me.
The Ex keeps getting bailed out of all kinds of crazy things because random luck seems to flow her way. I know her luck won't last because she needs to eventually get a college degree to keep her position and my ex actually getting a college degree is about as likely to happen as Sarah Palin's mongrel child graduating with a college degree from Harvard. Actually the Down Syndrome child of a Vice Presidential candidate has much better chance of graduating from college than my ex girlfriend ever does. (Just look at George W.) I won't add that I am not eligible for food stamps, but she gets affordable housing and will be moving into a three bedroom house for three hundred dollars and I will be rooming with a man who marks down on his calender when it is ok to eat Frito's.
I will never see the kind of luck my Ex gets. All I do is save your life by snuffing out trash fires and maintain the health of the financial markets by refusing a billion dollar bribe therby protecting the very risk takers that helped create the supposed vitality that is the capitalist market (and hey whatever happened to the notion that the rewards of profit from capitalistic market places were derived from risk and that was what made them morally acceptable.)
Now we are just going to socialize the risk and privatize the gains and that is not Socialism as Glen Beck will try and tell you, and it is not Socialism for the Wealthy as PBS will tell you, it is FASCISM but what the fuck do I know I am just a Marxist and we all know that the classic Marxist explanation of the business cycle that warns of, "too much capital in one sector can lead to sharp disruptions in other sectors" [note to those who might care: that is not an underconsumptionist argument] and that these sectors will soon be so co-dependent that the nature of crisis in late capitalism is not that the crisis of the business cycle will grow deeper (a la the great depression) but ever wider (a la the housing boom/bust effects finance which effects loans which effect whether GM can buy steel and not announce another round of layoffs which according to the FED we were days away from the largest 900 companies essentially going bankrupt and I did not even bring up how the foreign markets are effected by this) but then again what the fuck do I know about all that shit I read the internets and 19th century treatises on the economy.
I do not listen to the dismal practitioners of modern economic "science." I do not listen to the because when you ask them why the economy is in shambles the only answer you get is, "We don't know." If they don't know that they don't know much of anything. But at least it is nice to hear a bunch of apolagists for capital's excess admit the truth for a change. They don't know.
I think the podcast benefits from being listed on Digg.com and from getting ranked in the top 50 most popular podcasts by listeners over at Switchpod.com. And while the podcast seems to be enjoying a spike in popularity, I don't think my podcast will ever be truly popular because it suffers from some kind of bi-polar disease. My rating over at Switchpod is usually 2.97 which is only .01 away from being in the top 50. Every once and while I get a few voters vote up the podcast and that pushes me into the top 50 for a bit. Then I get flooded with votes for being listed as a Top 50 podcast and (from what I can tell at least) the new votes all seem to grade me higher than a 3.0 but my score drops back down to 2.97 leaving me just out of the rankings. So for a few moments I am awesome and popular, but then for next few weeks I am back to being just like you- an anonymous blog/podcaster that only my family reads or accidental searchers stumble upon.
I bring up this point up to echo a larger point about the cosmic injustice of the universe. *
*(And by the way anyone who blogs about their day should only be blogging to make a larger point but that is just my take on blog writing issues.)
I have 2 points to make about the cosmic injustice of the universe.
I don't make any secret that I think having a positive attitude is for suckers. I also feel like I am the only person in the world who laughs at folks who think the universe is fair or that the the universe actually cares about them.
I just don't see any evidence for karmatic justice in the world which I guess is why people who believe in that stuff have to resort to faith. The basic unfairness of human life is self evident to anyone with a brain so if the universe really is aware like some people claim it is we have to conclude that the universe does not give a shit about us. I guess for some people that kind of thing is so scary they would rather go on believing in Karma or some variation of magical thinking just so they can get through the day.
As your hero Barrack Obama would say, "Enough!"
I say you should just tuff it out and stop looking for rationalizations to do good, like "the univese gives back what you give to it" and just do the right thing anyway. I did yesterday. I saved the world from another financial meltdown. Not a lot of you can say that about yourselves and even fewer of you would chose to save the world when confronted with a billion dollar bribe, but I did because I don't care about money. I only care about the things money can buy you like: respect, women, and a fancy new laptop with wireless Internet connection.
How did I save the world you ask?
It was a just a normal day for me and like any day the Lottery goes over 150 million dollars I buy one Power Ball ticket and prey to god that he gives me the winning numbers. But unlike most days I was given the option to try the "power play" with my lottery purchase. The "power play" option allows the purchaser to triple and sometimes quintuple her winnings. Since the Power Ball is nearly 200 million dollars, the purchase of a power play would net me roughly 1 billion dollars.
A billion dollars is a lot of money and most have you have been bought for a lot less. You have been bought for the assurances that your rubbing thighs do not make you fat. You have been bought for the assurance that you will not be left alone in the universe just because one person in 7 billion can put up with your bizarre sex fetishes, or eating requirements. You think because you have a soul mate and I don't that deep down you are the better person and that you are the good person your mother always told you you were.
I know you are wrong and I doubt you are even an "OK" person but that is not the point, the point is that I turned down a billion dollars because I know that the financial markets are in turmoil and the industry that bets against people picking winners in the lottery, hedge their bets with risky investments in the real estate market and they could not cover the 800 million dollars they would be on the line for when I win the lottery with the power play. I know winning 200 million dollars is pretty good consolation prize and you think that maybe I should not complain, but I thought it necessary to point out to you that I am a much better person that you are because I am willing to turn down a billion dollars for the common good, and that is because I have something that you and your fancy community college degree holding friends don't have, and that is a little thing I like to call integrity.
The Universe still ends up screwing me
I may have integrity, but the universe does not care about those kinds of things. I know this because I got a call from my ex Google girlfriend the other day. She called me just to rub it in my face that she now earns three times as much as I do and that is even after my recent 73 cent raise to $9.32 and hour. (Suck it minimum wage earners!)
When we last left the Ex she had been fired from her job at B of A where she earned only twice as much as me. She was forced to move in with Baby Daddy #2 and his sister. As you might guess that situation only lasted a week or so and she had to leave and move in with her Mom. Yesterday, I got a text message from my Ex with a strange phone number telling me to call the number right away. Being the great guy I am, I naturally worried about her and the two kids being on the streets or in some kind of danger. I took my break early and hurriedly dialed the number only to find that the phone number in the text was a practical joke number where the voice on the other end of the line accused me of having bad breath.
After calming down and worrying that indeed, "I may have bad breath" just because I think brushing my teeth is some kind of ruling class plot to drum up support for fluoridating public water, I managed to work up enough "furious" anger to call the ex and inquire as to how things were going. That's when she told me the good news that she got a job at Charles Schwab and yes the same Charles Schwabb I applied for. (I blogged here about if you don't recall and why is it I must remind you of every detail of my life when it is all in print for you to read?)
She told me she was going to earn 25 dollars and hour and they were going to bend over backwards to not apply the college degree requirement for her position, and would pay for her schooling to get the degree and if she got the degree they would give her a much bigger raise.
Don't you see!
Good things like that happen to people like her and not to people like me.
The Ex keeps getting bailed out of all kinds of crazy things because random luck seems to flow her way. I know her luck won't last because she needs to eventually get a college degree to keep her position and my ex actually getting a college degree is about as likely to happen as Sarah Palin's mongrel child graduating with a college degree from Harvard. Actually the Down Syndrome child of a Vice Presidential candidate has much better chance of graduating from college than my ex girlfriend ever does. (Just look at George W.) I won't add that I am not eligible for food stamps, but she gets affordable housing and will be moving into a three bedroom house for three hundred dollars and I will be rooming with a man who marks down on his calender when it is ok to eat Frito's.
I will never see the kind of luck my Ex gets. All I do is save your life by snuffing out trash fires and maintain the health of the financial markets by refusing a billion dollar bribe therby protecting the very risk takers that helped create the supposed vitality that is the capitalist market (and hey whatever happened to the notion that the rewards of profit from capitalistic market places were derived from risk and that was what made them morally acceptable.)
Now we are just going to socialize the risk and privatize the gains and that is not Socialism as Glen Beck will try and tell you, and it is not Socialism for the Wealthy as PBS will tell you, it is FASCISM but what the fuck do I know I am just a Marxist and we all know that the classic Marxist explanation of the business cycle that warns of, "too much capital in one sector can lead to sharp disruptions in other sectors" [note to those who might care: that is not an underconsumptionist argument] and that these sectors will soon be so co-dependent that the nature of crisis in late capitalism is not that the crisis of the business cycle will grow deeper (a la the great depression) but ever wider (a la the housing boom/bust effects finance which effects loans which effect whether GM can buy steel and not announce another round of layoffs which according to the FED we were days away from the largest 900 companies essentially going bankrupt and I did not even bring up how the foreign markets are effected by this) but then again what the fuck do I know about all that shit I read the internets and 19th century treatises on the economy.
I do not listen to the dismal practitioners of modern economic "science." I do not listen to the because when you ask them why the economy is in shambles the only answer you get is, "We don't know." If they don't know that they don't know much of anything. But at least it is nice to hear a bunch of apolagists for capital's excess admit the truth for a change. They don't know.
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