The Robot Spiders are Coming For You!

Tim Dillon insists the robot spiders are coming for you. He’s not wrong. He’s just a little bit ahead of his time.

For years we were told we were safe. That the 1984 predictions were wrong. The Soviet Union collapsed. The spectre of communism at last defeated.

Western democracy triumphed. The last man arrived and he showed up wearing pajama bottoms and a Nike branded visor at the airport.

Worst case scenario? Huxley and the soft totalitarianism of comfort.

Alex Karp and Elon Musk can chatter or make regret about feminism and the softening of our children.

But who cares? I’ll just take another blue pill. My testosterone and sperm count have fallen down another rabbit hole of Anti-Islam rhetoric.

Instead of robotic machine gun toting spiders mowing down left wing guerrilla fighters we have Claude AI and TikTok algorithms smoothing out my rhetoric.

I will not be dangerous. I promise.

And their promise in return? The frightening Big Brother prospect has been set on the back burner like yesterday’s grilled cheese sandwich.

But that back burner grilled cheese is the perfect amalgam of complex caramelized Maillard spots.

It’s toasty and perfectly melted. A mixture of 1776 American processed cheese food and 2 slices of stone white Wonder Bread.®

You see folks like Alex Karp aren’t just sitting on the button to release the modulated world of computerized models predicting your next click into oblivion.

You can get rid of him. It won’t matter. We have already placed the computers in data centers in Utah.

You’ll complain your children have nothing to drink. That thirsty AI has gulped down the Great Salt Lake.

Maybe it was the dirty Chinese hooligans who corrupted the youth.

But it wasn’t the borrowed spycraft of teenagers. It isn’t when the college students drop out or complain about wars in the middle east.

It was when they figured out how the future ends. The future when you don’t work. The future when you cross the street against the flock camera.

Your social credentials have been pulled. You don’t log into a bank system that can’t trust you.

And you won’t fight back against the robot spiders. You’ve been trained to say it’s OK.

Anyways that was just on TV. It was on a social feed. Narrated by Asmongold.

Don’t worry. The future will be worse. We just have to keep building it. One click at a time.